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In Your Dying Dreams You May Find Peace….

Just before dying, people have reported experiencing remarkably vivid yet meaningful visions and dreams that bring great personal comfort to them in a moment that, by all accounts, should be terrifying. However, these visions are not considered near death experiences (NDEs) because the people reporting them do not “come back to life”. Instead, they complete the cycle of birth, growth, life and death by passing into what scientists call the “clinical” or biological stage of death, where nervous and respiratory system functioning stops. Although thousands of studies have been conducted investigating the phenomenon of NDEs, little research results exists regarding the dreams and visions of a dying individual.

What the Research Says

A study published in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care is considered the first study to accept a dying patient’s perspective on these dreams instead of a medical point of view, which insists that dreams, visions or hallucinatory events occurring to such patients can be attributed to dramatic changes in brain chemistry stemming medication side effects and a decreasing lack of oxygen and blood flow to the brain. According to the study, patients nearing their end of life found these dreams gave them great personal comfort and peace, helping them change their fearful perspective about death and accepting death without fear or anxiety. Authors of the study also suggest that physicians should not dismiss these experiences but recognize them as a positive aspect of the dying process.

In another study conducted at Hospice Buffalo, patients reported having at least one vision or dream that was much more vivid and memorable than normal REM dreams. These dreams exhibited emotionally insightful messages that predominantly involved loved ones who had already passed and were patiently waiting for them in some peaceful, otherworldly environment. In addition, researchers found that the closer a patient was to dying, the more they dreamed about dead relatives and friends, which patients described as pleasantly comforting to them.

Categories of Dying Dreams and Visions

A review of the existing data concerning dying dreams found that patients approaching death frequently have vividly realistic dreams involving:

The comforting presence of a deceased loved one (some patients reported seeing a loved one who was still alive but offered them solace and reassurance).
Preparing to leave on a journey with a living or dead relative. For example, one patient said she had a dream about boarding a plane with her son, (who was still living) and felt great comfort and peace as they boarded the plane together.
Engaging or just watching deceased relatives and friends. Realizing that their deceased loved ones had not simply “disappeared” and seemed happy and content also gave them a powerful sense of comfort and peace.
Feeling like their deceased loved ones were waiting for them to pass. One woman told researchers a few days before her death that she had dreamed of standing at the top of a staircase while her dead husband patiently waited for her at the bottom of the staircase.
Some people report reliving distressing or traumatic life experiences in the form of dreams or visions days or hours before dying. Reliving distressing experiences in this way seemed to be a kind of catharsis that relieved them of the pain they had felt while alive so that the transition from life to death could be completed in peace.
Some patients dreamed of unfinished business or the inability to complete important tasks before they passed. For example, dying young mothers in some studies experienced distressing dreams about wanting to continue caring for their children until they were grown.

What Medical Professionals Should Do

Researchers of dying dreams strongly urge medical professionals, as well as skeptical family members and friends, to accept these dreams because not accepting them may be detrimental to the mental health of those dying. Hospice Buffalo Director of Research Pei Grant states that “we need to treat the whole patient, not just the disease, by remembering that overall quality of life, even at the end of life, is just as important as it is during life”. She recommends that practitioners and families talk with patients and loved ones about their dreams and accept them as real and meaningful. Interacting in this way with a dying person allows them look back on their life, come to terms with certain experiences and gives them a chance to process their feelings about death. Grant says that being there and listening is the best thing a loved one can do for a friend or relative who is dying. “This acknowledgement of the personal significance of end of life dreams and visions helps families and patients through the difficult transition from accepting a negative diagnosis, they process of dying and finally, death itself”.

Withdrawing from the External World

In addition to comforting dreams and visions, patients also report strong feelings of detachment from the “real” world and loss of interest in what living people consider reality. A short time before death, dying people may become less responsive to touch, voice or other stimuli and appear to be in a light sleep. Sometimes they may unexpectedly emerge from this detachment and appear as though nothing was wrong with them. Now talkative and alert, the person may be eager to talk about their dreams as well as personal insights they discovered while in this state of withdrawal. During this time, loved ones should accept what they have to say and reassure them that what is happening to them is real, relevant and purposeful. Don’t distract them from talking about their dreams. Remain supportive, non-critical and continue providing as much loving attention as possible.

What Happens After the Death of a Loved One?

Experiencing the emotional effects of the death of a loved one is an intense and complicated process involving conflicting emotions that many individuals find hard to understand or manage. The sudden death of someone who was not expected to pass away is probably the kind of death which causes the most impact on individuals. Talking to a healthy and living human being one day and discovering they are no longer alive the next can generate severely crippling emotional issues that people often deal with by using illegal drugs or exhibiting other forms reckless behavior.

Symptoms of the Grieving Process

Repressing emotions caused by the death of a loved one can create physical symptoms which you might not realize are the result of your emotions. Feeling depressed, alone or confused can activate stress hormones which can cause physical complaints such as backaches, insomnia, sleeping too much, heart palpitations and even flu-like symptoms. Sometimes people think there is something seriously wrong with them and visit many different doctors who tell them they can find nothing wrong. It usually takes a referral to a professional grief counselor to help the person understand what is causing these symptoms

Dealing with Emotions

Receiving counseling from a therapist trained in dealing with grief and other strong emotions associated with the death of a loved one can greatly help the affected individual in realizing and coping with his emotions. Guilt, despair, confusion and fear are all common emotions people experience after a loved one dies. Ignoring these emotions will only prevent them from being understood and eventually assimilated into the everyday emotions that one feels. Moreover, knowing that the dying dreams and visions experienced by a loved one just prior to death gave that person much peace and comfort may help relieve feelings of loss and grief associated with losing a loved one, since some levels of grief can be traced back to a person’s own fearful feelings about death.

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I Will Die November 1st!

Britney — Could You Put A Date On “Your” Death?

A young woman in Portland, Oregon will die on November 1st, 2014. Brittany Maynard, formerly of the San Francisco Bay area in California has chosen to die the day after her husband’s October 30th birthday.

Brittany Maynard’s Story

Brittany, 29, married her husband in 2013. Shortly after the wedding, she started experiencing horrific headaches that debilitated her and kept her up at night. While she was on vacation with her husband, on New Years Day, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. More specifically, grade II Astrocytoma, and given 3 years to live.

The cancer progressed rapidly, and in April it had upgraded to grade IV Glioblastoma multiforme, which is a much more severe form of brain cancer. At that time she was given six months to live, and told that even with treatment she could only extend her life to 14 months.

After the doctors told her what the quality of the rest of her life would be like, she decided to end her life on November 1st. She wanted to enjoy her last day of life on her husband’s birthday, so they could have one last happy memory together before she passed on.

The family moved to Portland, Oregon, which is one of the only states with a death-with-dignity law. There, she was able to obtain a lethal prescription to end her life painlessly and peacefully.

On November 1st, she will retreat to her bedroom with her family by her side, and pass away quietly listening to her favorite music.

Brittany Maynard’s Fight For Suicide Rights

Since her diagnosis and decision, Brittany has been sharing her story and fighting for suicide rights as an advocate for Compassion & Choices. She also set up The Brittany Maynard Fund to fight for death-with-dignity laws in states that haven’t yet passed the legislation.

She says that she will spend every last minute that she has left fighting for the rights of others with terminal illnesses to end their lives on their terms, so that they can have control over how they die.

Her goal is to change the laws so that people aren’t forced to die painful deaths. Through educating others, it is her hope that one day, assisted suicide will be a healthcare option for terminally ill people everywhere.

How Assisted Suicide Works

Currently Oregon, Washington, Vermont, Montana, and New Mexico are the only states that allow physicians to write prescriptions for assisted suicide. In order to qualify for assisted suicide, a patient must reside in the state and have a terminal illness that will kill them within six months.

The patient must ask for the prescription verbally twice, at least 15 days apart. Then, they have to ask for it once in writing. The patient has to take it in the doctor’s presence, but they have to take it themselves without help. The doctor cannot administer it.

The Court Of Public Opinion

Assisted suicide is a very controversial topic. You have people on all sides, making arguments for and against it. There are the religious people claiming it’s a sin, and the alternative healers. The thing is, most of these people have never lived through the pain and suffering from a terminal illness.

First, you have the people who are against suicide. However, assisted suicide isn’t people who are killing themselves, it’s people who already have a disease that’s killing them. These people aren’t suicidal, they simply want to choose how they die, instead of letting the disease choose.

If the option of assisted suicide wasn’t there, people might seek other means. This isn’t a selfish act. When an animal is sick with a terminal illness, we have it euthanized. Why can’t a person decide that they want to die without pain and suffering?

The thing people often forget is that it’s about the person who’s suffering, not anyone else. It’s everyone else that wants them to stay and suffer. If they want to go, people should let them go. Assisted suicide is not a selfish act, forcing them to hold on and suffer is.

There are those that believe that terminally ill people who ask for assisted suicide feel depressed because of their illness. These people are of the belief that once the depression gets treated, they won’t want assisted suicide. However, they aren’t depressed, they just don’t want to suffer. The gift of life isn’t a gift when you have no quality of life.

When someone dies, we often say, “at least he didn’t suffer,” or “at least she’s not suffering anymore.” So, why does society even consider letting someone suffer for months until their death in the first place?

How Assisted Suicide Affects The Survivors

If a person commits suicide for selfish reasons it leaves the family devastated with more questions than answers, and they never fully recover. They are always wondering what they could have done differently or if there are signs they should have noticed, and how they could have prevented it.

If a person dies from assisted suicide, the family generally knows ahead of time, and has time to prepare and say their good-byes so when the time comes they’re prepared. They mourn the loss of their loved one as they would if they had died from the disease, but there’s no sudden shock.

Everyone wants to know that their loved one’s final wishes were carried out. The guilt of knowing that a family member or loved one never received their last wish would be far greater than knowing that they died with dignity, the way they wanted to. They also know that their loved died peacefully and painlessly.

How Assisted Suicide Affects Funeral Planning

When a loved one chooses assisted suicide, they can rest assured that their eulogies will be about the way they lived, not about how they suffered in the last days before they died. Additionally, because they were able to plan ahead for their death, they can also plan their funeral, their way.

Often we carry our last memory of the person who passed with us forever. Assisted suicide allows family members and friends to remember their loved one the way they wanted people to remember them, and not frail and debilitated from a long battle with an illness.

It’s important to keep in mind that some funeral homes or ministers may refuse to conduct funerals, or some funeral rites, for people who have committed suicide, assisted or otherwise.

The right to die is a controversial one, but it affects us all. Some people see Brittany as weak, or giving up hope. However, Brittany is a very strong woman for fighting what she wants and believes in, to the very end. She’s spending her last days fighting for the rights of others to die with dignity.

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Introducing Our Funeral Celebrant Writing Service

Americans have embraced the current trend of Celebrant style Funerals and Memorials. These powerful, meaningful and soul healing ceremonies are here to stay. Now those planning a funeral can use the services of a professional Celebrant no matter where and when the ceremony will take place. You can now hire a professional Life Cycle Celebrant to write a well crafted ceremony that you will be able to have conducted by a Celebrant or anyone you please.

Traditionally, funeral ceremonies have been rote rituals typified by the same old hymns, prayers and eulogies. Family members and friends are often left feeling empty. Today, families and friends are seeking a funeral ceremony that is more meaningful, and celebrant funerals are surely the answer!. As a result, people are getting creative in crafting their own personalized ceremony that reflects their loved one’s life. “I lived, I mattered, here is what I believe, please share my legacy” are thoughts that most people desire to have their funeral or memorial communicate to their loved ones. Crafting a unique eulogy, adding personalized photos and videos and selecting more contemporary music are just a few of the ways people are creating a spiritual experience along with celebrating or honoring a life lived. Not only do we grieve, we rejoice in life.

While many clergy prepare eulogies the old-fashioned way, most people today are opting for a more meaningful service that truly captures the personality, beliefs and life philosophy of their loved one. The stage for traditional funeral ceremonies has been replaced with celebrant funerals and celebrant memorials. At Cremation Solutions we are proud to offer our innovative and personal celebrant funeral writing service that goes hand-in-hand with celebrant funerals and celebrant memorials and can be ordered right online. With our funeral writing service, you fill out an in-depth questionnaire one line and then have the opportunity to work with a certified funeral celebrant selected just for you. The Celebrant will first review your answers and then through consultation by phone, email or Skype will capture the information needed to write a complete funeral service as well as committal services if necessary. You can guide the funeral celebrant with the tone and feel that you desire for a personalized service. Our funeral writing services can be used in any location and be conducted anyone capable of public speaking. We also offer a custom “Life Story” video service as well as professionally printed funeral programs to help further support funeral services.

Funeral Writing Service by Professional Funeral Celebrants

Our funeral writing service is written by professional certified life cycle celebrants trained at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute to write and conduct healing ceremonies. Although celebrant funerals are popular today, celebrants are not in every town. With our funeral writing service, you can have celebrant style funeral services written by pros and performed by a friend, yourself or added to the ceremony of your clergy. Keep in mind that celebrant funeral ceremonies create an atmosphere of healing and are a natural stepping stone for what was and what will be your legacy. You’ve got only one chance to get it right and leave an appropriate legacy of your loved one.

Our funeral celebrants take in-depth training at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute for six months. Our funeral celebrants undergo the intensive study of ritual theory, ceremonial structure, symbolism, choreography, storytelling and the history traditions and ritual throughout the world. The training at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute is the gold standard for the industry, and you get a professional who can create and write a ceremony for your unique needs.

Working in close collaboration with you, our celebrant funeral writers will carefully craft a eulogy to create a meaningful ceremony. There are many options when preparing the eulogy, including preferred readings, poems, memorable quotes, rituals and music. After crafting the idyllic ceremony, you are given a draft for approval. We never deliver a written eulogy until every detail has been checked and approved by you and your family. In addition we have celebrants from coast to coast and if you want a celebrant to conduct the service as well. we can connect you to one in your area.

Life Story Videos and Funeral Programs

In addition to our funeral writing service, we offer life story videos that can be played at the funeral or reception. Life story videos capture important events that create forever memories. Viewing life story videos at any funeral ceremony allows friends and family to reflect and rejoice on their memories of a loved one. Even though life story videos cannot eliminate grief, they are an excellent resource for psychological, emotional and spiritual comfort. They always add a special touch to any funeral service and copies can be made to share as a precious keepsake.

Our funeral programs are created online using one of 30 different designs. We have beach scenes, spiritual themes, classic designs, patriotic templates and music themes. The themes can be matched up with the video theme as well. There’s something well-suited to most everyone’s life and interests. However, our funeral programs are far from stock, one-size-fits-all pieces. Our program allows you to add as much or as little information as you see fit, to truly make a personal remembrance of your loved one.
You’ll find that working with funeral celebrants offers you a lot of flexibility and versatility in the preparation of a funeral ceremony. These professionals come with no set rules and no set agenda and can incorporate multiple religions and life styles with no bias. They can help you prepare the perfect ceremony that is upbeat, solemn or a mix of both. The focus is to provide friends and families with a ceremony that is truly comforting and personalized.

If you’re planning a funeral ceremony and want only the best, you can turn to the pros at Cremation Solutions. Whether you choose our funeral writing service or a life story video, we keep you engaged in the whole process. It’s your input that allows us to create the perfect ceremony for that special one. To find out more about our new Funeral Celebrant Writing Service, including prices and details CLICK HERE!

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Holograms Allow The Dead To Attend Their Own Funerals !

All eyes were on the stage at the 2014 Billboard Music Awards, as no other than music legend Michael Jackson took the stage. That is right, nearly five years after his death, new holographic imaging technology allowed for his 3D, free standing image to grace the stage once again. This is not the first time holograms have been used to wow the audience. CNN used holograms to grab the attention of their viewers as they had correspondent Jessica Yellin and guest star and musician Will.i.am report live on TV as a hologram for the 2008 elections.

CNN used live people to make their hologram debut, but what about Michael Jackson, he has been gone for since 2009. This site was reminiscent of the 2012 Coachella Festival when Snoop Dogg took the stage with his long-time friend and fellow rapper, Tupac, who had died in 1996. This new technology of bringing the dead back to life is receiving mixed reviews by the public. While some people are amazed at the technology and love seeing their favorite icons back on stage, other people find it disrespectful to the dead and a little creepy.

What is a Hologram?

Holographic technology was the brainchild of Dennis Gabor, who came up with the theory that this type of technology was possible. This technology has advance greatly over the years, especially in the last decade and seems to be making dramatic improvements all the time. When CNN created their holograms for the 2008 election night, they used a series of 35 high-definition cameras to capture video pictures from different angles that were used to create a hologram. In this instance, the co-anchors on the show could not see the hologram on stage with them, but it could be seen on the screen and by the viewing audience.

Typically, a hologram is created using a different method that involves laser beams, mirrors and beam splitters. The laser beam is directed towards the mirrors, which work to reflect the beam to the beam splitter. This actually cuts the beam in half by sending half of the light to the object being captured and the other half to the hologram. These two beams are again redirected ,and meet at a photographic glass plate, where it is recorded.

Unlike a photograph where the image is recorded and the transferred into a picture, holographic technology only captures a pattern. This pattern is what is used to transform the object into a hologram. One of the most amazing things with this technology is that if a magnifying glass is used in the process it will magnify the object automatically. If the hologram were created prior to the person’s death, they would be used at the object being recorded. If the person were already decease, previously taken pictures and video footage would need to be used.

How to Integrate a Hologram into a Funeral

The increasing use and popularity of holographic technology has many people wondering if there is an effective way to integrate holograms into a funeral. This technology is only expected to improve in its capabilities in the upcoming years. In addition, the use of these technology and its tools will likely decrease in costs as it become more popular. This will certainly make hologram integration into funeral planning possible, but how will it work.

Hologram Funeral Planning — Or Just Bring R2D2 To The Funeral!

This simplest way to make this integration occur is to have a holographic message prerecorded before a person passes away, and then play it back during the funeral. This will give a person the ability to leave a final message to their loved ones. This has actually been done for years, but through a video recorder with the video displayed on a screen or TV. A hologram will provide a life-like version of the person and make it seem like they are almost in the room at the funeral.

Another way would be for the families, as part of their funeral planning, to convert their loved one, through the use of old video footage and pictures, into a hologram. Of course, this method would require more work and probably cost a bit more, but it would still have the same effect. This would be a way for grieving family members to honor their loved one and pay a special tribute to them. This may also allow friends and family to say their goodbyes in a more personal way.

Not only could a hologram be used as part of the funeral service allowing the deceased to say his/her final goodbyes, but it could also be used in during viewing allowing family and friends to pay their respects to the decease. In addition, the hologram would be something the family could look back at days, weeks, or years later to remember their loved one by.

Is the World Ready for this New Technology?

Funeral Hologram and Video — Iron Man Uses Them. Why Not Funeral Directors!

The big question is not can this technology be done or even if a funeral hologram can be used effectively. The bigger question is how will using this new technology be received by those who attend the funeral. If the onstage performance of either Tupac or Michael Jackson shows any indication, society is split down the middle on how they feel about the use of holograms for the deceased. Many people thought that seeing Michael on the stage again was fantastic and some of his friends claimed that even Michael would have loved being a hologram. However, other avid Jackson fans felt it was disrespectful to his memory and just a bit creepy.

While this involves feeling about some of the top names in the music industry, how will people feel about it for a funeral of a loved one or close friend. It really is hard to tell. Presumably, people would not find it disrespectful if the deceased had prerecorded the holographic message before they passed away, since that was their choice to make. However, when the family makes the holograph after their loved one’s death, it may get different results. It may also depend on the delivery. Including a holographic message as part of the funeral services may not be as overwhelming for people as the thought of standing next to this hologram.

The truth is that holograms are already gaining in popularity and now that one of the most famous legend in the world has made his holographic musical debut, it is only going to become more popular. The use of a funeral hologram in the services may be inevitable, whether the world is ready for it or not. As with most new trends, the more people get used to seeing them, the less debate there will be about their use.

There are certainly some circumstances where a funeral hologram may be a great idea. Imagine the mother dying of cancer who wants to make sure her children remember her, or the father who wants to know his family will be alright after his death, or even someone who wants to be as humorous after his/her death as he/she was in life. For some people, this may be a great way to have people remember them just the way they want them to, rather than only thinking of how they died.

Urns For Ashes — Personal Urns “Too Real”!

If you are planning a funeral with or without cremation services and trying to determine if a funeral hologram is right for you or your loved ones, you should consider all your options. For now, at least, holograms used for the deceased are still surrounded by a lot of controversy. This may cause some people to feel uncomfortable, think (Personal Cremation Urns) while others may think the idea is great.

In the end, it is a very personal decision that can only be made by yourself, and/or your family members. It is important that you take everyone’s feeling into consideration when making the decision to use a funeral hologram or not. What kind of message would your hologram give at your funeral?

Bad Grief! When No Body Comes Home

Each year, more than 1.8 million American men, women and children are reported missing. Although the majority of these people are located, many stay missing, leaving their families to wonder for years and years if the person they love is dead or alive. Sometimes, this situation is the result of a monumental tragedy, like 9/11, that strikes an entire community or nation. Other times, it’s as simple and as devastating as a woman with dementia walking away from her caregiver, never to be seen again. Whatever the circumstances, the uncertainty, pain and isolation felt by the person’s family and friends is the same…and unimaginable to those who haven’t experienced it.

When tragedy strikes and people are presumed dead, but no body is recovered, it changes everything that traditionally surrounds the natural process of grief. Two recent news stories have included just such situations–the missing Malaysian aircraft and the big mud slide in Washington State. Families and friends of those involved in these situations are experiencing this rare types of loss. They yearn for both answers and a starting point from which to confront their loss. However, without a body, the mind still wants to believe anything but the truth. Such deaths, called “ambiguous deaths” by the psychiatric community, require unique handling and sensitivity from family and friends as well as funeral professionals called upon to oversee the final arrangements.

Death in the news

On March 8, 2014, Malaysian flight 370 disappeared without a trace. The nightly news has focused regularly on the recovery efforts by crews from more than a dozen different nations. More than one month later, not one fragment of the plane or its occupants has been found. The latest speculation is that the plane is at the bottom of a particularly deep part of the Indian Ocean, more than 2.8 miles from the surface. If this is true, there is little likelihood of the plane and its dead will ever be recovered. The pressure at such depths makes it impossible for any manned craft to navigate the area where the plane likely lies.

The 238 passengers and crew members of MH370 came from 13 different countries, but their families share a common pain, the roller coaster ride of hope and the despair of not knowing what happened to their mother, husband, daughter, father, wife or son.

Another situation with unrecoverable bodies occurred recently in Washington State last month when a rain-soaked hill collapsed without warning, engulfing more than three dozen homes in a massive mudslide. As I write this, 36 bodies have been found and 10 people are still missing, including two children. Recovery efforts continue more than four weeks after the disaster.

Why are such enormous resources–both in manpower and money–expended trying to recover bodies long after it is reasonable to assume that a person could have survived? After 9/11, the recovery effort continues for more than eight months and ended with a solemn ceremony at the site. Our culture associates death with a body. Not having that body of our loved one disrupts the entire grieving process.

Grieving without a body

In our society, we associate death and grieving with a physical body. Most funeral arrangements involve a viewing, where friends and family can share memories and get a last glimpse of the body that once was their friend or loved one. We usually follow that with a service that culminates in the lowering of the casket in the ground or the handing of the ashes to the survivors. Without a body, all of those traditions are disrupted.

Denial is one of the classic stages of grief. Our mind naturally wants to assume that our dead loved one will walk through the front door any minute. When their is no body, our mind can get stuck in this stage, even when all evidence points to the fact that the person is gone. This is why enormous amounts of time and money are spent on recovery efforts in situations like the mud slide and the disappearance of the Malaysian airliner even when the likelihood of finding a live person has long since passed.

Planning funerals without a body

Deaths where there is no body present challenges for funeral professionals as well as for family and friends. Like loved ones, funeral professionals are used to dealing with a physical body as part of the funeral rites, either as a burial or a cremation. A death without a body throws this traditional system out of alignment, while at the same time offering the challenge of trying to comfort a family during the most terrible time in their lives.

Deaths without a body, while rare, are not unique to current events. After 9/11, friends and family of thousands of men and women missing from the Twin Towers had to deal with their grief even though fewer than a quarter of the bodies of those in the buildings had been recovered. Some chose to use an empty casket at the funeral to give the service a sense of normalcy. Others used caskets for whatever part of their loved one had been found, even if it was just a finger.

Often funerals without a body are handled similarly to memorial services, with photos and/or videos of the deceased adorning the service, so that family and friends are able to “see” the person who died one last time. Having the family put together these images, even making a video or a few photo collages can help in the healing process. Take it a step further and have the family create a memorial table filled with items that were important to the life being mourned .

When dealing with deaths where people are presumed dead but there is no body, it is important for funeral professionals as well as friends to be especially empathetic and willing to listen. Any death of a relative or loved one is somewhat isolating, but a death without a body can make the survivors feel that they are the only ones who have ever had to go through this anguish.
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It’s Not Easy Being The Last One To Let You Down!

The job of a funeral director is often misunderstood. Most people in this profession are driven by passion as much as the desire to pursue a career, some are just born into it. Being a funeral director is one of the most stressful jobs there is. You have to be available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, and you see people going through some of the toughest times of their lives. Even people who are usually easy going become sensitized and hard to please. Details are everything and unlike wedding, you have very little time to pull it all together. It’s really hard to make and keep plans and your own family often suffers from your absence.

The suits and fancy cars can mask alcoholism, depression and divorce are all part of the territory for funeral directors. Most people that go into the funeral biz are out of it in three to five years. Often portrayed as as opportunists and vultures, funeral directors don’t have an easy life. No wonder they prefer to keep to a rigid day-to-day routine and seek the shelter of tradition. Today, as funerals are quickly moving away from tradition, due to internet searches and the Baby Boomers’ desire to create new traditions. Funeral professionals are faced with even more challenges as they are forced to venture out of their protective, traditional bubbles. They need to either find a way to adapt to today’s needs or face extinction. Some are adjusting well but most are not!

Funeral Directors: a Final Friend

Funeral directors sometimes get a bad press. However, the truth is that the vast majority of the more than 23,000 such professionals working in the United States are dedicated, compassionate and committed to facilitating the last wishes of the deceased and making it easier for their families. The best funeral directors are the best listeners and ensure that the funeral and burial rites go smoothly without imposing themselves into the proceedings. There is a fine balance between explaining the many new options while not coming off as a salesman of opportunity. That’s not as easy as it sounds.

What a funeral director does

A funeral director plays a number of roles. He or She is usually the first person that a family meets with when they visit the funeral home to begin planning a funeral. They are event planners that have one chance to get it right. In that function, he or she is both marketing director and customer service representative, not to mention grief counselor. They are also small business owners, who must order and maintain inventory (caskets, vaults, etc.), market their services and manage the bookkeeping. Funeral directors also act as human resource directors for their own staff, handling the hiring and firing, coordinating benefit programs and assigning work schedules. Funeral directors are also involved in transporting the dead (at all hours) preparing the deceased for viewings and burial, an art and science in itself.

The future of funeral homes

The way the American public looks at funerals and burial rites is changing quickly and dramatically. In an experienced based society funeral pros better step up to new challenges or go the way of the neighborhood butcher, baker and travel agent! Independent funeral homes, once fixtures in every town, have now mostly been absorbed by large, national corporations. As an industry, funeral professionals can do a better job, but to do so, they must be willing to come out of their comfort zones.

Just a few of the ways funeral professionals can embrace and adapt to changing views about the end of life include:

1. Your best form of advertising is to do good funerals!
Each funeral / memorial is a custom created event that draws from all involved and weaves it into a special event that allows social healing and an open environment that provides a safe haven for people to share in their support for each other.
On the surface, if using the latest bells and whistles available to us such s video tributes, custom blankets, programs, funeral favors, memorial websites ect. will help support the goal of creating a healing experience, then why not use them to the best of our ability. If a specially trained MC that knows just how to draw on all aspects of a life lived and craft all that information into a well balanced and touching ceremony would help, then you should be hiring the best Certified Life Celebrant you can find. If you cannot find a good Celebrant in your area, you should find a person that you think would be good and pay for their training.

2. Using social media. A funeral home on Facebook? Why not? Increasingly, Americans are making plans for their funerals before they die and are shopping online for a funeral home just as they shop for someone to fix their furnace or landscape their front yard. However, less than half of funeral homes are using social media in their marketing plans.

By using social media platforms, like Facebook, funeral directors can take some of the “scary” out of the funeral profession, put a face on the business and become a more human part of the community. Show them how proud you are of your grand kids, while at the same time establishing themselves as experts in the industry.

3. Content marketing. Content marketing, the art and science of boosting your website’s–and your company’s–visibility by adding regular new, valuable and interesting content to your site is a natural for funeral homes. If someone searches on Google or other search engine for funeral home in (insert your geographic area), you what them to find your business, not the competition. Since most people plan very few funerals in their lifetime, you want to be the first business they encounter online. Content marketing, done well, can help you head the list in search engine results. Write about whats going on in your community and become a source for local news.

While more than 80 percent of funeral homes have a website, many use it primarily for information about funerals currently being planned by the business and/or for message books for friends and family of the deceased. While these functions are both important, funeral homes that don’t use their websites to marketing their services are missing a huge opportunity.

3. Blogging. Whereas more than 65 percent of funeral homes use traditional newspaper advertising, less than 10 percent include blogging in their marketing mix. Adding regular blog posts to your marketing plan has several advantage. First of all, such posts will help your SEO efforts and make you more visible to families looking for someone to help plan their loved one’s funeral. In addition, the cost of blogging is negligible, especially when compared to the cost of print advertising.

The way the American public views and shops for funeral services is changing, and funeral directors need to be changing with it. There will always be a place for a competent, compassionate, efficient funeral director. The trick is getting the word to those who need such services in this increasingly digital marketplace.It’s Not Easy Being The Last One To Let You Down!
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Cremation Solutions on TV to Help Joan Rivers with her Dog’s Funeral

Sometimes life–and death–surprises you. I certainly wasn’t expecting to hear from the producers of the “Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best?” reality TV show when they called me. It turns out that comedian, Joan Rivers is aware of our pet funerals and the urns, cremation jewelry and keepsakes we offer for people who have lost a beloved pet. Joan’s 12-year-old rescue Pekingese, Max had died and she wanted to do a show about a funeral for the dog. Of course, I said we would help, although I had no idea what to expect.

Planning a dog’s funeral

We started the funeral for Max by finding a location that worked well for Joan as well as hiring a New York celebrant to write and officiate at the service, Chris Shelly rose to the occasion. My friend Nancy Burban help us search for a location in New York City. One of the things Joan was most concerned about, and one of the reasons she called us, was the many options we have for displaying Max’s ashes. One of the scenes in the show takes place in Joan’s New York City apartment, where I’ve brought several of our urns, cremation jewelry and pet keepsakes to show her. Of course, with Joan, even funerals can be funny and she makes jokes about the different options. It was perfect blend of fun and serious.

Farewell to Max

Joan decided on an urn during the segment and also wanted to get some jewelry to hold a few of Max’s ashes. She choose one of our Pandora-style cremation beads that matches the colors of Max’s coat, a charcoal, almost black hue.

She also decided to use our new “Loved One Launcher” to blast Max’s ashes all over his favorite stomping grounds. This piece of equipment can blast your loved one’s ashes up to 70 feet. The ashes can be mixed with confetti to give the launch a festive, party-like atmosphere. It’s a perfect salute to a being, like Max, who loved life.

We ended the show with Max’s funeral.

Admittedly, the funeral was a little bizarre, but the grief was real. As the owner of a rescue dog myself, I can relate.

You never know what you’re going to encounter in this business. I had fun doing the show. I think Joan and I had a little chemistry and the spontaneous jokes were streaming. This really was reality TV; nothing was rehearsed.

About “Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best”

“Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best” is a reality

Scattering Ashes — Joan Holds The Loved One Launcher Ash scattering Cannon

series on WEtv, featuring comedian, Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa as they try to keep the peace while living under one roof. The 30-minute show debuted in 2011 when Rivers moved from Los Angeles to New York City and moved in with her grown daughter, Melissa. The show is just beginning its fourth season.

About Cremation Solutions

Although all of the attention and excitement of doing a TV show is nice (and kind of rare in our business), Cremation Solutions doesn’t just cater to celebrity dogs. We

Dod Funerals — Jeff Staab, Joan, Melissa and Padfoot

have a whole range of affordable pet funeral services as well as cremation urns, jewelry, keepsakes and art to help you remember all of your loved ones and keep them close to you even when they have passed. Check out the beautiful tapestry behind Joan and Melissa. It was a gift from Funeral Home Gifts.

Our episode on the “Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best” show airs on WEtv on April 12, 10 PM EST on the WE TV network. We hope you’ll tune in.
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Suicide is Fatal

Last week, fashion designer and stylist, L’Wren Scott took her own life at her Chelsea apartment in New York City. She hung herself. Ms. Scott’s death made newspapers and website headlines around the globe because she was the long-time girlfriend of veteran rocker, Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. However, Scott is just one of more than 38,000 people who die of self-inflicted injuries in the United States each year. In fact, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America, according to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. Although such persons may have felt alone at the end, on average, a person who commits suicide has six survivors.

Why suicides are particularly difficult for survivors

Grief Talk — What Would You Want To Hear?

Suicide deaths are particularly difficult to handle for both survivors and funeral directors. Often the person is young. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the third most common cause of death in Americans aged 15 to 24. Almost always the death is unexpected. Unlike deaths from illness or those who die at the end of a long and happy life, those who die from suicides are healthy one day and gone the next. Rarely do family and friends have an opportunity to say goodbye. Too often survivors are plagued with guilt, wondering if they had missed the signs and/or if there had been anything they could have done to prevent the suicide.

The truth is that 95 percent of people who take their own lives suffer from a mental illness–either diagnosed or un-diagnosed, according to grief speaks.com. Such people generally aren’t thinking about the pain and the anguish their death will cause their friends and family. At that moment, they can only see their own pain.

Suicide is also often a spur-on-the-moment decision. According to a Harvard University study, more than 70 percent of those who survived a suicide attempt said that they tried to end their life within 30 minutes of making the decision. That short window of time, obviously, doesn’t give the person a change to fully examine all of the ramifications and consequences of their action.

Why Suicide funerals are the hardest funerals to swallow

Funerals for those who have committed suicide can be some of the most difficult funerals for funeral directors to plan as well as for families and friends. For one thing, most suicides are unexpected and family and friends haven’t had time to think about what sort of arrangements the deceased may have wanted. That is especially true when a young person dies. In addition, family may still be in shock and denial about their loved one’s death. This can hamper decisions like choosing a casket, a service and a burial site.

Funeral planning suicide: how funeral directors can help

Handling the funeral arrangements for a person who has committed suicide can be a challenge for funeral directors, but it can also be an opportunity for your funeral home to help start the healing process for family and friends.

Helping survivors cope

Funeral directors are in a unique position to help survivors of suicide fatalities to cope with their loved one being gone. According to the Harvard University study, there are several things that funeral directors (and others) can do to help suicide survivors cope.

Normalize the situation. People who have had a family or friend die from a suicide tend to feel isolated and even ostracized from the rest of society. This may come, in part, from traditional church views condemning suicide and the stigma that still remains about suicide. Treating the funeral arrangements and planning as if it were any other funeral can help the family and other survivors cope with the situation. Avoid making the arrangements seem anything but a “typical” funeral.
Allow them to talk. Suicide survivors may have no one else with whom to share their feelings. Allow a little extra time for such consultations so that you have time to listen if necessary.
Provide information about support groups. Suicide survivors may not be comfortable talking to their friends and co-workers about the cause of death. In fact, according to the Harvard University study, nearly half of the survivors surveyed explained the death as an accident or other mishap rather than a suicide. Having information on support groups available can help such persons find others who have been through such a situation and help them to realize that they aren’t the only ones.

Planning a funeral for someone who has committed suicide can be a challenging–and a rewarding–experience. Keeping in mind that family and friends of such persons have special needs in the grieving process and doing what you can to keep the funeral planning as “normal” as possible can go a long way to helping start the healing process for those left behind.

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Introducing Free Online Death Certificate Tool

For most people, trying to handle the various tasks associated with the death of a family member or friend can be extremely difficult. Therefore, they appreciate any help that can be provided concerning the collection of the information needed to process and complete the various paperwork, certificates, and permits needed by the funeral home regarding the funeral.

With the increasing use of technology in the funeral business, many tasks that use to be done exclusively on paper can now be done with computers either on the Internet or directly at the funeral home.

This use of technology has many benefits for funeral home directors and their staff. In addition, the use of technology helps the grieving families in a variety of ways such as reducing stress, making the collection of information more efficient, and allowing the needed information to be processed quicker.

Recently a new tool was released that will make it easier for families to provide the information needed regarding a death certificate for the deceased. The new tool is a free online death certificate form that allows families to go online to enter the information required to process and file a death certificate. Once the information is completed online by family members using the online death certificate form, an email is sent to the designated funeral home staff who use the information to obtain a death certificate for the deceased. Moreover, the free online death certificate tool is helpful to funeral homes because it allows the staff at funeral homes several helpful options for acquiring the information needed to process a death certificate.

Funeral Arrangments — Conveniently Give Death Certificate Information Online

The free online death certificate tool is available at Cremation Solutions.com. The link to gain access to the tool is: http://www.cremationsolutions.com/blog/death-certificate-information/

The death of a love one is a very emotional time. During this time, many things need to be done. One of the most important is providing the funeral home with the information needed for the deceased’s death certificate. Without the needed information, a death certificate cannot be processed and filed, and a death certificate is needed before a burial or cremation permit can be issued. Therefore, the death certificate is very important. As a result, the utilization of the free online death certificate tool serves three vital roles that are:

Allow the family members the opportunity to complete the required information online for the death certificate whenever it is difficult to arrange a time for the family members to meet at the funeral home to provide the information.
Allow the family members the opportunity to complete the required death certificate information online before they come to the funeral home so they can speed-up the death certificate process.
Allow the family members to avoid a situation where they meet at the funeral home to provide the death certificate information but cannot provide all the information needed during the meeting, which will slow down the death certificate process.

All funeral professionals, funeral home directors, and funeral home staff are encouraged to visit Cremation Solutions.com to utilize the free online death certificate tool. This tool helps to make the collection of information for a death certificate quicker and more efficient.

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Wild Animal Funerals

Humans Connect — Remember Where You Came From and Hold On...

As humans, we like to think of ourselves as evolved, after all we are at the top of the food chain, but somewhere along the way we’ve lost our inner sense of value and compassion for a human life. When a loved one was lost, having a funeral was automatic, followed by a period of deep mourning that would last for weeks, months, or even years.

Somewhere along the way we’ve become a disposable society that has lost our ability to value life. In the past, when a loved one passed away, we used to hold three-day wakes prior to the funeral. However, in recent times people moved on to more a memorial service at the convenience of the family. That is the sad reality of how humans have evolved in the grieving process in the age of technology. As technology has progressed and lifestyles have become more hurried the grieving process has gotten to the point where it’s become almost forgotten. We as humans need to remember what’s really important and start setting aside time to honor our dead loved ones and pay our respects.

It might surprise you to find out that humans are not the only animals that grieve the loss of their loved ones or hold vigils. Many members of the wild animal kingdom celebrate the lives of their loved ones in ways that would put us as a society to shame. We should all take a lesson from the way they lovingly hold vigils over the bodies of their loved ones and protect them, about the value of life and our presence here on earth.

Elephants

Elephants are the most compassionate of all wild animals when it comes to mourning death and loss. They have even been known to extend this compassion to elephants that aren’t related to them as well as other animals and even humans. They have a true respect for all life forms that we should take a lesson from.

When elephants encounter the body of a deceased animal they always stop and try to lift it to its feet several times using their trunks. If they are unsuccessful in their attempts, they will sniff and poke it before burying it with leaves, branches, grass, dirt, or whatever is available.

After burying the body, they usually leave. However, if the deceased animal was a relative they will remain by the body for several days or weeks mourning the loss of their loved one, leaving only to get food or water. Sometimes elephants will even become depressed and even starve themselves in reaction to their loss.

Dolphins

When a member of a dolphin pod dies, the other members will stay with the body and rally together to keep any potential harm from coming to the body. If something tries to move towards the body the other dolphins will become agitated and loom around to prevent it from getting too close.

The other members of the dolphin pod usually lift the body close to the surface and stay with it for several days while they try to come to terms with the loss of their loved one. They only leave the body when absolutely necessary to get air.

Chimpanzees

When chimpanzees lose a loved one they become very depressed and saddened much like we do. They mourn together as a group and comfort each other. However, they have a deeper grieving process than ours. Often, they will get so upset and depressed that they will refuse food.

Chimpanzees have a very interesting grieving process. The grieving and separation process takes them a little bit more time. We have often heard people say that they aren’t ready to let go yet, or that they aren’t ready to say goodbye yet. The chimpanzee doesn’t let go or say goodbye until they are ready.

They will maintain their routines and interrelate with their loved one for weeks or months until their loved one’s body has decayed so badly that they are unable to continue to do so. Only then will they leave their loved one to rest. This routine gives them more time to accept the loss of their loved one, so that they can feel closure in their hearts.

Gorillas

When a Gorilla loses a loved one, they mourn the loss quite deeply. They will pound on their chests and howl loudly. They will also hold informal wakes and funerals, at which other members of their gorilla family will come in, view the body, smell and touch it. If it’s a close family member, some gorillas have been known to become very depressed and stop eating.

Wolves

When a member of a wolf pack dies all of the other members of the pack become extremely depressed and it takes them weeks to recover from their loss. With drooping ears and tails, they resist playing to pay homage to their lost friend.

Magpies

Magpies also mourn the loss of their fellow feathered friends and hold funerals of sorts. When they encounter a deceased bird they will first try to revive it with their beaks. If that doesn’t work, they will cry loudly. Ultimately, they will cover it with grass, straw or whatever they can find, pay their respects, and then fly off.

What We as Humans Should Learn From This

Life is busy, but it’s not so busy that we can’t take the time to grieve and acknowledge the loss when a loved one dies. Attending a funeral service for your loved one isn’t just about you or how busy you are. It’s about them, and supporting their family members and other friends.

We as a society should take a lesson from our friends in the animal kingdom and learn to value our lives and the lives of our loves ones. Although the extremes to which wild animals grieve such as starving would not be appropriate for human life, we should take heed to their caring and gentle way of holding vigil over their friends who have passed away and put ore thought into funeral planning.

The way these animals painstakingly hold vigils in much the same way as we used to hold wakes should remind us how important that time is to help us cope with the loss of our loved ones, and to help us get through the grieving process. Not only does it allow us the opportunity to honor our deceased loved ones, but it gives us a chance to say goodbye.

Grieving and supporting each other is crucial when it comes to accepting the loss of a loved one. A wake and a funeral gives friends and family the opportunity to see their loved one for a final time, and a chance to say goodbye. That little bit of closure, and that opportunity to stand vigil and be close to their loved one, one final time is important to the coping and grieving process.