How To Plan a Funeral When There is a Pandemic Going On

COVID has canceled many things and impacted people on a grand scale. Yet, people will still die covid or not! Funeral rituals will remain one of the most important investments for many families and survivors after a death.

Funeral Planning
                                 Unique Like You!

The aspects of funeral let people join together too morn and celebrate a life that was and is a part of who we are. Together we support each other with rituals and traditions that will strengthen the fabric of our lives. Closure! What the heck is closure? And does it ever really happen. Personally, I don’t want to close anything that has to do the love I have for people in my life dead or alive! Funerals provide the platform to move onto the many stepping stones to come. Joining together to remember someone continues the bonds between us and our connections to each other.

Traditional Funerals
                             REMEMBER THIS!

The pandemic has changed the way funerals happen but should not keep them from happening. There are limitations in place in some areas based on current pandemic levels. Even as the pandemic has limited access to large social gatherings, funerals remain an important aspect of end of life. How can funerals take place? What can be done to create a holistic experience that’s safe for loved ones to attend? What does a funeral look like today?

People Are Adjusting to Hurdles

While there are some limitations and necessary changes to funeral planning, people are adjusting to it. Conducting services in the current climate typically means creating ways to get around some risks while providing opportunities to come together safely in a caring and healing environment. Consider a few ways funeral planning is changing to accommodate these needs.

Adherence to State Rules

One important change comes in following state laws and local city rules regarding congregating. Especially during the early portion of the pandemic, many states limited gatherings of 10 or more people. For families expecting 10 times that number of visitors during a funeral, limitations are evident. People are also becoming more flexible and understand that we do not gather in groups the ways of the past. Many restaurants

Mask at Funerals
         Don’t Forget to Mask For The Funeral!

now require proof of vaccination and photo ID to enter, why not the same for a funeral gathering?

The first step in the process is to know what these rules are. What limitations are present currently? On top of that some towns and cities have implemented local rules of gatherings. The funeral directors in your local funeral homes keep up to date with ordinances and can help guide and advise you on what can be done. They also have relationships with the different types of venues in your area not just funeral homes.

Creating a Safe Funeral and Gathering

The next step is to consider how to manage a funeral around those restrictions. Again, those planning a funeral can find workarounds to this. For example, keeping the service private to those who are most likely to feel the loss of the individual is one step many have taken. In addition, some are limiting guests to no more than 5 to 10 immediate family members.

In-person funerals may not be as readily available in many areas. Funeral providers are notified of any limitations, and they should serve as your first point of contact for information and guidance. Those who wish to honor a loved one with religious services can still do so. This is often done with the support and guidance of faith leaders in the community.

Virtual events are one of the ways many families have embraced. They allow for a very limited number of people to gather for the funeral but allow for a live video of the event to occur. Virtual events have become valuable even if people are able to gather for traditional funerals. With many being unable to attend due to their own health risks or because travel is complicated and limited, the use of a virtual component simply makes sense. Zoom is one such service available.

Some funeral homes are offering these services as a common component of funeral services. Funeral directors can help arrange virtual services that work for your needs in all cases. This allows people from around the world to come together to honor a lost loved one at a distance.

Social Distancing

                    Social distancing at funerals

Many states have relaxed their rules on funerals, allowing small groups to gather. Yet, doing so in a socially distanced manner is still very important to keep loved ones safe. Working with a funeral director, it may be possible to create numerous ways to create a socially distanced wake, funeral, and memorial gathering.

  • Family members may no longer greet loved ones at the door or as an entrance into the room. They may be seated in a place of honor, but the tradition of hugging those who arrive is less likely to occur.
  • Mask wearing has grown to be a standard in funeral settings. It allows for some level of protection.
  • Frequent handwashing is also recommended. In addition, many locations have set up sanitation stations to make it possible for family members to easily reduce the spread of germs.
  • Outdoor events, when possible, may also be an option. Instead of a family gathering and meal after a funeral indoors, hosting one outside may help to reduce some of the risks.
  • Skipping the in-person wake and having a graveside service is another option. These may be longer than traditional graveside services, but they may help to give loved ones a chance to come together outdoors where the risks are lower.

From live-streamed services to the use of outdoor events, funeral planning is significantly different right now. Yet, it is still possible to have a meaningful way to say goodbye in many cases.

There’s No Need to Wait

                             Time For a Funeral

Some people early on in the pandemic made the decision to postpone funeral arrangements until a later date. It is still possible to do this. However, it’s not necessary and such delays are usually not a good idea when survivors need a place to start. There are steps funeral homes can take to ensure that individuals who have died are not a risk to those in attendance. More so, waiting does not provide families with the ability to grieve in the same way.

Having a service in a timely manner is beneficial for many reasons. However, it’s also important to remember that things aren’t going to get better – COVID-19 and other health risks may continue to create some limitations for individuals for years to come. Delaying arrangements to allow for outdoor events may be acceptable, such as for end-of-life celebrations and memorial gatherings. Yet, funerals do not require postponement.

New solutions are becoming more readily available to allow public gatherings in many areas. It’s simply necessary to find new ways to communicate and reach the necessary people. Often, funeral directors have the tools and resources to help plan events like this even when there are numerous circumstances to consider. Unlike the Broadway shows that have temporarily closed, with funerals “the show” must go on.

Does Burial and Cremation Differ Now?

There has been an upward trend in cremation, but this is due to many reasons. It is still safe for people to be buried as it has always been. Even individuals who have passed due to COVID-19 can still be buried following traditional and religious ceremonies. The pandemic should not effect your decision to cremate or bury, both are still open.

However, many people have elected to use cremation as a final disposition. One reason for this is the reduced cost another is many consider cremation more simple. For those dying at a younger age, funeral planning and pre-purchasing plots for burial or space in mausoleums hasn’t been done. Family members may not want or cannot afford to make these purchases when an unexpected death occurs.

Cremation simply fits the desires of many people today as well. The desire to have their ashes scattered is also significant for many people. In fact, it is by far the number 1 final destination for ashes today. They even design cremation urns that are made to scatter the ashes. Biodegradable urns that float and then dissolve to spread the ashes over water. Scattering urns that convert into a memorial birdhouse is actually a thing! Even a hand-held ash scattering cannon dubbed “The Loved One Launcher”.

Should You Scatter Ashes?

Scattering Ashes
             Free At Last!

While many people set out to scatter a loved one’s ashes where they enjoyed spending time or perhaps in a space that is special to them for other reasons, it’s sometimes best to hold onto at least some of those ashes. Unlike a burial plot, when ashes are scattered, it may make it a bit more difficult for some people to visit and reflect on the loss of their loved one. There’s no place to “go” when it comes to needing to pay respects.

Memorial Jewelry Made From Ashes

One of the options available, then, is to use jewelry to hold some of the remaining ashes as well as jewelry made from a loved ones fingerprint.

Thumbprint Jewelry
Jewelry Made      with Fingerprint!

This is an incredible way to allow people to remain close to a loved one. It provides a simple tool to aid in the mourning process without being intrusive. Many families are using jewelry like this to provide several family members with a small amount of a loved one’s ashes. This may be given to siblings, children, or special friends and family members.

What to Do to Plan Your Loved One’s Funeral

As you face the loss of your loved one, know that you can celebrate their life and pay respects to them in meaningful ways. The pandemic may have changed how this happens for many people, but it’s also created opportunities for coming together in new ways.

At the heart of the process is working closely with area funeral directors. These professionals not only have the most up-to-date information regarding limitations on gatherings and other rules, but they also are working with other funeral directors around the country to find new ways to honor people’s wishes and needs in a time of loss.

This may include creating small in-person gatherings, even home funerals are making a comeback. It may include the use of live-streamed services. In some cases, family members may simply prefer a 100 percent virtual memorial celebration. They can work closely with family members to create outdoor events, including those in a backyard, at the gravesite, or even in a park. They may also be able to work with religious leaders to ensure all end-of-life obligations are met.

If you have lost a loved one, know that you have options for honoring their wishes and needs. For example, you can still plan a traditional burial for your loved one, or you may wish to elect the use of cremation if it supports your needs better right now. Remember, too, that these final memorials are meant to support the needs of the living. So, create a memorial that works for your needs.

If you decide to choose options such as cremation, consider the value that cremation urns for scattering ashes, traditional urns, and jewelry for ashes can complement the way you celebrate the life of your loved one.

Americans Avoiding Funerals and Not Leaving Their Mark!

Part I: Americans Not Making Their Mark and Avoiding Funerals

Funeral For Who
                                                    Want To Make Your Mark? Plan Your Funeral!

There are only three realities in life: birth, death, and taxes. The most profound and complex of the three is, of course, death. We have 9 months to prepare and plan a birth. We plan for our tax returns each year but many of us do not plan on dying! Not planning to die is not only foolish but selfish as well. The large unknown, that occurs after life, and the nature of death isn’t easy to think about for anyone. The notion that one day you’re here and the next it all will end, can be frightening to contemplate  for both oneself and others. You can “Go Out With a Bang” or fade away in a fizzle! Too many today don’t choose and lose.

 

After death, those most strongly affected are loved ones – not the person who passed away. Thus, funerals are for the living and in grief, these individuals are often required to make the decisions about the funeral, memorials and transitioning a loved one from alive to remembered. For some, this can be a challenge. It’s hard to accept the permanent end of life for someone who is dearly loved and will be sincerely missed. Planning a funeral means accepting that a loved one is really, truly gone or that you will be gone. As we are forced to face our own mortality or when no instructions or specific plans have been requested from the deceased in life, one may opt for avoiding any kind of traditional send off. As such, funerals are starting to fall out of vogue. It’s not uncommon for the younger generation to skip funerals entirely in favor of other, more simplistic unorganized gatherings that lack the finite nature of a funeral or a transition in life, without the life being acknowledged. Where is the acknowledgment of a life well lived? Where’s the beef?! Where is the support circle? What is the legacy?!

My Funeral

Today’s world is becoming increasingly “me” centered, with individuals focusing on their own wants and needs, rather than those around them. As virtual communication replaces face-to-face interactions, selfishness replaces selflessness and an evolution toward a self-involved attitude becomes normalized, there’s little motivation to consider what others may require.

Regardless of reasoning, choosing not to have a funeral of some kind is a very selfish option and can carry serious ramifications. Yes, a funeral is one of the most important “Gifts” you can give to the people you care about in your life. The more memorable experience you plan about your own valuable life, the more you will be remembered. Your life goals and beliefs of what is good for this world need not be taken to the grave. What you valued and strived for can and should be continued for many generations to come. These are the folks that will cement your legacy! Help Them! A funeral is an important part of the cycle of life and the cycle of grief. A good funeral or memorial is the foundation that people will move on from as they move to the next stepping stone of life. Despite the importance of the ritual, of a memorial ceremony, many Americans are still choosing to forgo tradition.

The Historical Prominence of Funerals

Irish Funeral ProcessionFunerals are not an American concept that is now being overlooked or even a Western concept. In reality, funerals have existed in countless different human societies for thousands of years, indicating the importance of honoring the dead to many ancient and modern people. Conservative estimates place the first human funerals around 300,000 years ago with evidence of burial ceremonies spanning across continents and cultures. Even animals have organized farewells. Elephants will go many miles for days just to visit with the earthly remains of friends and family.

The idea of acknowledging the end of life is not new, as is demonstrated by the rich historical tradition of celebrating the end of life. The alarming evolution of disregarding this important, cultural moment is only hurting, not helping – after all, funerals have a long legacy for a reason.

The Decline of Sentimentality

There’s no way around it: funerals are on the decline. There were around 1,500 fewer funeral homes in 2019 than there were in 2009. Even though more people than ever are dying each year (Boomers), funeral homes are going out of business at an alarming rate. Many people view spending thousands of dollars, on what often feels like a sad goodbye, to be frivolous and fruitless. This often results in it feeling like an expensive and labor-intensive task that is more stressful than beneficial to those doing the planning. Why pay for a funeral that is just like the last three funerals you attended? Where is the value in an impersonal, cookie cutter funeral inserted into a two thousand year old ceremony that has no meaning for today’s society? For this reason, it’s becoming more and more common for those closest to the deceased, like parents and friends, to give up on the idea of having a funeral entirely. With no foreseen value, they feel the money would be better spent on a fine caterer at the local clubhouse and survivors best attempt at some sort of tribute.

In many cases, however, the choice to forgo a funeral falls on the decedent. Too often, the word “just” is uttered in relation to funerals. People “just want to be cremated” or “just have their ashes distributed in a favorite place” and “just have a party”. The idea of permanence is fleeing the American mentality. Before and after death, the idea of leaving a mark is less common than ever before. This may be driven by a number of factors, from the perception of permanence in online activities to the increasingly nihilistic approach to life held by so many in the younger generations. In a disposable society,  just dispose of me! I’ve actually heard people say put my ashes in the trash “what do I care” I’ll be gone! As someone that worked many years as a funeral director, this disgusts me and is the epitome of selfishness.

Cash over Life
Chasing Dollars Can Cost You !

In American culture, the race to the top often means a focus on cash above all else. The classic line “Greed is Good” is bad! As the gap between the lower class and the upper class continues to widen, thanks to a failed two-party system of government, many Americans are underemployed and working multiple jobs just to meet simple life goals. The gig economy is alive and well, with adults choosing to work for companies like Uber and Lyft on nights and weekends just to make a little extra cash. While this sounds like a benefit in the present and immediate future, the ongoing quest for the Almighty Dollar can change long-term views on the world. When making a few hundred dollars requires hours behind the wheel, delivering people or packages, investing in something as seemingly useless as a funeral becomes much less important.

Regardless of the reasons, many Americans aren’t interested in leaving a mark or a legacy on the world. Instead, they are often concerned with the path of least resistance – “just” have me cremated and I’ll be gone – even when this mentality is to the significant detriment of others. Funerals provide a closure that no other form of remembrance can, and a failure to properly do so may be permanently harming the American psyche.

Part II: How Funeral Directors Are Failing

Funerals have long been considered a recession-proof industry. After all, everyone dies sooner or later. However, as of late, this is failing to be the case. As Americans continue to disregard the importance of funerals by adopting an increasingly blasé attitude toward life, death, and what comes after, it’s becoming more popular to ignore funerals and simply move on without much fanfare after the loss of a loved one.

Many industries have found themselves forced to change with the advent of the internet and the ways in which enhancements in technology have altered the human experience. The funeral industry is still stuck in days gone by. Funeral homes are often family-run operations, with traditions passed down from parent to child for generations. As such, there is little motivation to change how things have historically been done. Competing in an experience based society can be a disadvantage to the tradition of “The Body” based service steeped in age old ways.

Funeral Director with head up ass
Typical Funeral Director Response !

Most funeral directors are living in denial and failing to see the changes required in the funeral industry to avoid going extinct. Instead of staying flexible and working with the needs of consumers, funeral directors feel inclined to push  traditional services in a funeral home space with expensive burials of caskets and vaults. Much of how modern funeral homes operate is based on marketing techniques to funeral directors by American casket manufacturers.

This classic funeral concept has worked for generations, but today’s world is a very different place.

Traditional Funeral
nd gravestones. Burial and memorial s

The idea of a traditional funeral can be to some more of a burden than a blessing, and it’s something many Millennials and Gen-Xers who want the bare minimum will not embrace. Yet, even with this knowledge, funeral directors are actively resisting change and failing to meet the needs of an evolving market. Funeral directors want to stay strong against the “just” mentality of the modern American and, by shooting themselves in the foot in this manner, they are actively hurting their own industry as well as the perception of funerals overall. Sure, there are some standout funeral businesses that are more progressive that offer updated options and experienced based funerals but their prices will weed out many that are savvy enough to pull off a meaningful DYI memorial.

The Cost of Funerals

Funeral CostThe cost of the average funeral is not helping the declining funeral industry. Today, funerals are more expensive than ever, with the average funeral running close to $10,000 – and more if a pricey traditional casket is in use. This number can be outside the bounds of affordability for many families, but as the industry dwindles, there’s no wiggle room for many funeral directors attributed to stricter financial requirements.  There’s still pressure to push big, elaborate funerals, even on people who do not appear to want them. This has created a whole new player in the game. The discount cremation or cremation society and business is thriving. Direct cremation is $1000. -$2000! They can provide a “no frills” cremation for less than half the cost of the “classy funeral homes” that are trapped by the overhead of fancy buildings, auto’s and salaries. Instead of changing their business model, the family funeral home owners may opt to sell their valuable real estate and retire to the suburbs.

In spite of all this, funerals don’t have to be expensive. With the rise of cremation and the cost savings of urns and cremation keepsakes versus traditional caskets and burial vaults, it can actually be relatively affordable to hold a caring memorial for those who have been lost. Your local family owned funeral home can assist you with these simpler services for less then you think. However, this is largely unknown, even by those who are in favor of funerals, leading to a disinterest because of the perceived costs. Nothing saves money more than knowing what is wanted and desired before a death has accured.

The Federal Trade Commission maintains extensive rules regarding consumer rights in the funeral industry. Consumers must be permitted to purchase bits and pieces as needed, like embalming or cremation services but not caskets, in order to meet individual needs. Funeral directors are also required to be transparent with pricing, providing prospective customers with a general price list that includes the per-piece costs of all elements of products and services.

However, funeral homes are often focused on just getting the job done with no problems, rather than creating healing experiences.   The lazy approach have some choose to push larger packages on the faux principle of sentimentality. By taking this approach, funeral homes are essentially driving away business: Funeral Directors need to listen to what people need and withold  from promoting a large and expensive package that someone doesn’t want or need! It can be an upsetting experience that results in more harm than good. When the high cost of a funeral is combined with the evolving American mentalities, that appear to be pulling away from important traditions, far too many people are willing to just walk away, and that’s not Okay! By providing alternatives and new traditions, by educating and offering progressive options to todays family, funeral homes can remain an integral part of the community and people will turn to them for help.

Part III: Why Memorials Matter

Good Funerals
Here’ To You!

Funerals are the ultimate way to say goodbye, creating an opportunity for those who care about the decedent to come together, share stories, pay their respects and remember. Relationships are both reinforced and created at funerals. The seeds of life that we sow, provide the life trees that bear the fruits of your labor of love. A foundation of support can be the starting point on the healing highway.

Grave Marker
WHO?

Despite the appeal of skipping the formalities of a funeral, planning to do so can be a very poor decision. By failing to recognize the finality of life and give everyone, even old friends and distant family members, a chance to pay their respects and support each other, too many people will be left twisting in the wind, hurt and confused. There are more people in a decedent’s life than their spouse and children, and those people deserve a way to be involved in the death, too. By choosing not to hold a funeral or memorial, family members, and in some cases the decedents themselves, are effectively usurping the grieving process for many others, leaving a hole in the hearts of friends, acquaintances, and coworkers who were anticipating a way to not only say goodbye but to say hello to others that are woven into the tapestry of life.

Providing Direction….

Funerals serve several important roles in life, including:

  • Acknowledgement of the end: The first of the stages of grief is denial, as it can be hard to admit a loved one is gone for good. A funeral provides a way to overcome this step and accept that the end of life is a reality that can’t be ignored or pushed aside.
  • A chance to say goodbye: Whether a ceremony involves an open casket or the presentation of an urn, a funeral is often the last time in which loved ones get to stand in the presence of the deceased. This opportunity to say goodbye can be extremely valuable in overcoming grief.
  • A community: A funeral is a way for people to come together, creating a community of those experiencing similar emotions. By uniting people in grief, the community provided by a funeral can facilitate the healing process, reminding mourners that they aren’t alone.
  • An ongoing support system: Death is never easy to deal with. The stages of grief can be an overwhelming roller coaster, and without those who understand, it can be very hard to make it to the other side without negative ramifications in other areas of life. A funeral provides the foundation of a support system, showing evidence of those who understand what you are feeling and who you can turn to in times of grief. Often, important plans are made at funerals for survivors to re-connect, to maintain old traditions and to start new traditions as well.
  • A reflection on life and death: It’s easy to ignore the presence of death and the impact it can have on life when not experiencing the emotions first hand. This denial isn’t always healthy, as death is inevitable and will happen to everyone at one point or another. A funeral provides a reason to think about the fleeting nature of time spent on earth and offers a way to help individuals come to terms with the complex emotions that often surround the end of life.

Denying these benefits to those who love you – or denying the benefits to others, for spouses left to plan a funeral for someone who left no post-death instructions – is a selfish choice, which can have lasting effects on mental health and the progression of grief.

Instead of a funeral, the idea of alternative memorials is becoming more common. Spouses, parents, and siblings no longer want to put the effort into funeral planning when grief is so raw and instead host small intimate gatherings to reminisce before moving toward cremation. While this can be a nice gesture, it’s not the same as making sure all of the important people in one’s life have a chance to be involved in a final farewell.

Creating the Perfect Memorial

Come One Come All, Gather Round!

It’s important to understand that a funeral doesn’t have to be a stuffy experience in a drab hall, decked out in solemn colors. Some funeral homes have updated and now resemble catering halls more than funeral homes. Funeral directors can also assist you with the event in other locations of your choice. Progressive funeral directors are highly skilled event planners and have the equipment and connections to get things done, fast! If your local funeral home does not offer progressive options, you may want to consult with your local event planners and reception halls. The tradition of calling hours or wake preceding the funeral and the viewing of “The body” is not as mainstream as once was. When I was studying to be a funeral director (class of 1984) it was instilled that it was hard to even begin any kind of grieving process without viewing the body and coming face to face with the reality of death. I have seen the new generation of public more and more uncomfortable with public viewings but I still feel it can be an important aspect of the grieving process.

Scary Stuff

My general school of thought is: the younger and more unexpected or tragic the death, the more important viewing the deceased is. However, having a viewing does increase the cost of a funeral homes services and this should be expected. Don’t make the mistake of not having viewing just because cremation is the final disposition. It’s perfectly normal to have the cremation performed after the services. In fact, the main difference between a funeral and a memorial is that the body is present at a funeral and not present at a memorial. So, in today’s majority choosing cremation the order of services could be for example; have the viewing then cremate followed by a memorial with the cremation urn present or have the viewing followed by a funeral (Body present) and then cremate. So, don’t let the choice of cremation determine what kind of service you want to have, you can still have any style of service you prefer.

These days Hospice is often involved in the weeks and days prior to death. They can be very helpful and help people to be more comfortable and at ease with the process of dying. Be aware that Hospice will often push final goodbyes while the person is still alive to avoid having to do so again after death. This can be a mistake and not considered a replacement for a funeral or memorial. Hospice also encourages cremation; they operate on a Buddhism based philosophy in which cremation is the way. Don’t let them push you into anything you do not want and be persuaded to avoid funerals

Funerals, or any kind of celebration of life, can be customized to both the deceased’s wants and the family’s needs. Funerals can be held anywhere, like a favorite park, provided proper permits are obtained, a backyard, or the family church. Funerals can also be hosted by anyone; you may have a charismatic family member that’s willing to do their best but it can be frustrating and uncertain working with a non-professional.

Celebrant Foundation
You Can Find a Celebrant Near You.. Click Here!

The best choice for a truly meaningful ceremony is to a hire a Certified Funeral Celebrant. Celebrants are becoming an increasingly common option for those who want a professional ceremony without any of the outdated traditions often associated with the funeral industry. With the ability to create a sentimental ceremony in a way that honors a decedent’s personality and interests, a celebrant can easily lead a funeral that best speaks to the needs of family and friends.

When presented with the idea of a more organic, natural, or creative funeral, many individuals are far more enticed. The idea of being memorialized in an urn at a favorite park versus stiff in a casket in a funeral home is often more welcoming, and can make the idea of putting plans in place in a will less daunting or uncomfortable. In many ways, this sort of celebration can fall into the “just” mindset – just hold a simple event for all of my family and friends to attend and enjoy after I have left this earth – even though the reality is much different. Family and friends still get to mourn as needed while individuals can still leave a mark and promote a legacy as is most important to them.

Ongoing Memorials

No mater what style of funeral or memorial you have, the days and years following can become a cold reality of loss. We naturally want to visit the memories of our relationships with those we lose. Visits to the cemetery may not be possible when ashes are scattered. But if people want to “Go Out With a Bang” you can now purchase a handheld ash scattering cannon called “The Loved One Launcher”! So, it could be a good idea to have a stone memorial placed on your home garden or property. Many people today are comforted by the display of photos and having the cremation urn at home, for example, can be used to display remains in a tasteful and dignified way that can serve as a reminder of a lost loved one’s enduring presence. In the days, months, and years following a funeral ceremony, the urn will continue to stand.

Click Here For Our Full Selection of Crystals Made From Ashes
Crystal Gems Made From Ashes

Memorial jewelry can also be an impactful way to memorialize someone lost. These keepsakes are filled with a small amount of ashes inside so their earthly remains will always be close to your heart. Glass pendants and sculptures are made when a portion of ash is artfully infused into intricate works of art. Cremation ashes can also be used in the production process to create a real diamond or colorful cremation crystals.

Despite the decline in the traditional funeral industry, death is no less of a reality today than it has ever been. By thinking outside the box and embracing the alternatives available, end of life planning for both individuals and their families can take a very different form, resulting in plans for the end that respect personal wishes as well as the needs of loved ones – and allow for the opportunity to preserve a legacy.

Will Millennials Be The “Death Positive” Generation?

Some industry experts are saying that the millennials will be the generation that embraces a new way of death and start death positive traditions. Millennials have learned from their elders that to not plan on the inevitable can be both expensive and creates a haphazard situation that can yield more rushed poor choices. In a 2016 survey by the National Funeral Directors Association, 81 percent of respondents said they called only one funeral home before making their decision. Millennials are avoiding this and are willing to use the internet and apps to help them make informed decisions and guess what? They do understand the value of a well-done event that honors a well lived life. Studies have shown that people are planning their will and final plans at a younger average age. These young hipsters are not going to pick up the yellow pages to call a funeral home so they can be told what they need to do! They use the internet to not only save money but to learn and make informed decisions while staying in the drivers seat.

Hansa Bergwall was 35 when he created the app WeCroak, a digital-age memento mori that reminds its 30,000 monthly users that are going to die five times a day — presumably to help them live in the moment. Like death, the reminders come at random times of the day. When they come, you can open the app to reveal a quote about death from a poet, philosopher, or notable thinker. Then take one moment for contemplation, conscious breathing or meditation. We believe that a regular practice of contemplating mortality helps us accept what we must, let go of things that don’t matter and honor the things that do. Memorials can be arranged digitally on GatheringUs. You can even draft important legal documents online on sites such as FreeWill where you can draft a legal will in twenty minutes with no human interaction. Finally, you can shop online for just about anything to hold ashes, thanks to funeral director turned online merchant Jeff Staab. You can choose from exotic urns to jewelry and gems- Cremation Solutions has got you covered! Even monuments that hold ashes and urns inside. One product that has been really catching hearts is jewelry made from the deceased fingerprint, with “Your Touch” line of fingerprint pendants and rings.

The new generations crave information, even on end of life planning and funeral alternatives. For those who reach out to the internet there are new movements or groups that will help you plan a home funeral and embrace death the “Old Fashion Way”. People used to live far closer to death. Before the turn of the 20th century, women from your family and your community would lay you out in the home usually in bed. They would wash you, dress you in simple clothes. Groom and comb your hair, clip a lock of it to wear in a necklace, like we now do with pendants that hold ashes. Family and friends would gather round, reciting prayers, singing, surrounding you with candles and flowers. And when it was time for burial your family would wrap you in a shroud or sheet, often made of wool, and put you in a wood casket. Finally, a group would carry your coffin to the backyard or the town cemetery and, after a small service, lower you into a hand dug grave. The whole process demanded work, attention, a reckoning. An emerging internet-based organization called Crossings will now help you to organize “Home Funerals” just like Great Grandma! For the first time ever, Americans are choosing cremation more than not. This trend has increased each year. It seems that people don’t understand that cremation is just a final disposition and does not mean you still can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes. Well, you just might find you get what you need! And have “One Hell of a Funeral” and make your mark!

Cremation Products
Everything For Ashes!

How To Be More Compassionate Over The Telephone

“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” – Nelson Mandela

Feelings of CompassionA telephone call is usually the first point of contact for funeral directors, hospice workers, and other professionals involved in making final arrangements for the deceased. Bereaved friends and family members make the critical telephone calls reaching out for help in the hours following the passing of their loved one. They are seeking help, compassion, and support from those that are tasked with dealing with death – all things that can be very difficult to convey over the telephone.

If you are one of the countless professionals and volunteers that are tasked with helping others navigate the complex, emotional, and often stressful journey of end of life and death care, then these situations are all too familiar.

At best, these telephone calls can be pleasant and casual, but more often than not, they are among the most difficult conversations that you will ever be involved with. Adding to the challenge is the fact that these telephone calls tend to come at the worst possible times – during your kid’s little league game, while you’re out on a Tinder date, or after you’ve enjoyed one too many martinis.

Despite your best intentions, communicating clearly and with compassion can sometimes be difficult which ends up leaving the caller with the impression that you’re cold, uncaring, and completely unsympathetic to their situation.

It’s Not You – It’s The Telephone

Death First Call
Make Every Call The Most Important Call

If this sounds familiar, don’t get down on yourself – trying to make a real, human connection over the telephone is incredibly difficult, even for the most seasoned professionals. After all, speaking with a grief-filled stranger is challenging in person – adding the barriers that come with talking on the telephone make what’s already a tough situation even worse.

While the telephone is a wonderful technology, it has some serious shortcomings – you can’t actually see the caller, so you miss out on all of those critical visual cues that make up a huge part of human communication.

There’s also the chance that you’ll also be dealing with a language barrier between you and your caller, which makes having a clear conversation all the more difficult during these times of grief. Of course, there’s now the added issue of poor cell phone reception, garbled speaker phones, and three-way calling to make the conversation even more difficult.

After all of this, it’s no wonder that many funeral directors, hospice workers, nurses, and others who people turn to for help during the dying process sometimes come off as being ‘cold’ and lacking in compassion over the telephone – you can’t give the caller a reassuring nod, a comforting hand on their shoulder, or pass them a box of tissues. Even the warmest, and most loving human beings can seem uncaring during a telephone call.

On the upside, with a little practice and work you can actually improve how you communicate over the phone and learn the skills and techniques it takes to reveal the compassionate, supportive person you are to a stranger that is on the other end of the line.

Here’s some simple steps you can take to communicate genuine compassion over the telephone:

Pay Attention and Listen

Learn To Listen (Click Here)

Sure, it sounds obvious, but think about what you usually do while talking on the phone. Chances are good that you see your telephone time as an opportunity to multi-task – you might be in the habit of straightening up your desk while you chat, checking your social media feed, or catching up on your emails.

You might even believe that your caller doesn’t know you’re multi-tasking because they can’t see you, right?

Wrong.

Callers can sense if you are giving them your full attention – it’s a critical part of being compassionate. Really listening to someone lets them know you that really care about them, understand their challenges, and want to help.

Leave the multi-tasking for later – give the caller your full attention right now – and they’ll appreciate it.

Speak Slowly and Clearly

Have you ever noticed that people who are stressed out don’t seem to listen very well? So have many scientists, and there are now a number of studies that confirm the link between stress and actual measurable hearing loss.

Some people actually experience temporary deafness and/or tinnitus (ringing in the ears) when dealing with a stressful life event such as the passing of a loved one, making it critical to speak clearly and slowly when on the phone with a grieving caller.

Take the time to speak slowly and clearly to give your caller a chance to actually hear what you have to say. Resist the urge to raise your voice though – increasing the volume of your voice could backfire and give your caller the impression that you’re annoyed, angry, or impatient.

Ask Questions

Asking your caller specific questions lets them know that you are really paying attention, and that you care about them personally. Remember, the telephone phone is all about two-way communication, so take this opportunity to learn about your caller, understand their needs, and get to know what you can do to help them.

Don’t Overwhelm With Information

Information Overload !

Remember that “a phone call is a dialogue, not a monologue”.

Giving your caller too much information during a call can come across as cold and sales-orientated – the exact opposite of compassionate. Try to keep specific information to a minimum – you can get into all the details during a face-to-face meeting, a follow-up telephone call, or over email.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Everyone reacts to death and dying differently, and quite frankly it’s not always a sad situation for the survivors. Don’t assume that the caller is upset, and avoid imposing this expectation with statements like “you must be sad”, “this must be so difficult for your family”. These type of ‘canned’ responses are ok if the caller is clearly upset, otherwise, assuming a person is experiencing a particular emotion can come across as cold, uncaring, and even insensitive.

Wondering What To Say? Here’s Some Suggestions

Validate Uncomfortable Feelings

Giving a grieving person permission to feel sad, angry, upset, or even relieved can go a long way towards communicating compassion. Simply saying “it’s ok to cry” can break down barriers and solidify your position as a trusted person in times of grief.

Ask How You Can Help

A simple, open-ended question such as “How can I help?” is a powerful way to let someone know that you truly care about them, their feelings, and their needs, while avoiding any assumptions about the kind of support the caller wants.

Acknowledge Your Own Feelings

Don’t try to over-empathize with statements like “I know how you feel” – instead, try saying something like “I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can”.

Compassion Helps Both The Giver and Reciever

Remember, always speak slowly, listen closely, and take a caring, compassionate tone with your callers. They’re counting on you to help them navigate a major event in their lives. Focus on being compassionate on the telephone. You can have the power to help people gain the necessary trust in you, so that you can then ask the questions that you need answered. People are going out on a limb when they call on a stranger for help. Being there is important but over the telephone you need to TELL them that you are here for them and care about their needs.

How To Stay Cool And Healthy Right Up To Your Cremation

Cool Old Dude

As people get into the mid-50s, many of them give up on life and start thinking of death, yet they have many more years of life if they have the right attitude. Death can occur at any time in life but the probability of death becomes more inevitable and avoiding it should become more a part of your life to get the most out of your golden years. Being older does not mean you have no more business enjoying life.

Tune in to avoid tuning out! Old Should Not Mean Lifeless!

Cool Old Guy SkateboardingLiving to a ripe old age depends on how well you treat yourself and not how old you are. Many people in their 70s live an active life, and they have plenty of energy in them. Presidential candidates in the 2016 election in the US were over 65. They were running for the highest office in the land when many people younger than 65 have thrown in the towel and consider themselves exhausted with nothing more in life to look forward to. Advanced age is not a limit to having aspirations and working to attain them. The only barrier to your dreams is in your attitudes and the approach you take as you advance in age. Here are suggestions to help you enjoy life to the fullest even as old age sets in.

Healthy is The New Cool

  1. Eat the right food

The body requires energy for it to run properly. The food we eat is the source of energy for the body. However, you need to be careful about the food you consume as it has positives and negatives. As you age, you need to pay more attention to taking quality food more than at any other stage in life. You have heard about how to maintain the right BMI, but it is hard to live by that.

The food’s glycemic content is an important thing to understand. This load is an estimate of how a person’s glucose level in the blood rises after consuming some food. Sugary food is metabolized very quickly, and unless one engages in rigorous physical exercise, that sugar will convert into fat. When the body has excess fat, it becomes susceptible to health complications.

  1. Exercise

The body requires physical challenges that will exert pressure on the muscles and help them grow. Being physically active at work is not enough to give your body the strength is deserves. The body needs to have regular exercise to avoid developing weak muscles. Engaging in tough practices can improve the condition of bones, tendons, and muscles in the body. Proper exercising gives you the energy to face any task instead of the feeling of weaknesses that makes you cringe from any challenge.

  1. Do not retire and Wait to Die

Retiring is accepting death because it means you have nothing else in life to live or work for. Have a sense of purpose in life even at an advanced age. If you are in good health, you have no reason just to sit and wait for your death. Let it find you doing something worthwhile for you and the rest of humanity. There is plenty you can do before you die. We are created with a lot of potential, and we should not take any of it to the grave. Therefore, every moment spent on earth should be used for a worthwhile purpose. Make the world a better place. Anyone can do this!

  1. Find what works for you and stick to it

In your advanced age, you can tell what works for you and what does not. Do not waste time with things that do not function for you. Identify what works well for in your case and stick to it. Avoid things and people who do not add any value to your life. Simplify your life and remove any clutter that clouds your focus.

  1. Appreciate how you look

Your body will change as you age. The changing appearance should not have any significance if you are focused on your purpose. Appreciate the fact that you have nothing you can do about your changing appearance. Even if people do not approve of your appearance, that should not bother you at all.

  1. Spend your time well

In the old age, life may end at any time. However, that should not prevent you from focusing on your purpose. Although you do not have control over prolonging your life, you can have some influence on it. Do not hold back on the things you have planned to do. Change any circumstances that affect the pursuit of your purpose. If you cannot make any changes, adjust to it and carry on.

Getting Ready for your Funeral So You Can Live Today

Planning Your FuneralAs you engage in various activities during your last days on earth, you can as well prepare your funeral. Many families fall apart after the death of their loved one especially if the deceased was the head of the household. It becomes hard for the family to reach agreements during the awkward moments. When people lose their loved ones, some are unable to live with the reality of death. However, preparing them for the eventuality of death makes them accept the situation when it happens.

Often people are buried or cremated according to the wishes of others. By making the arrangements when you are living, you will have control over what will happen on your final day. The arrangements you make will help the family and friends mourn and remember you in the way that reflects on you. Cement your legacy by planning a very personal funeral! Consider having a Certified Funeral Celebrant write and preform your ceremony.

Your attention and energy will be focused on the goals you have identified “A Cool Way To Live”. No one knows the time to leave the earth, and it is, therefore, better for death to catch up with you in active service instead of being caught doing nothing.

Helping Your Children Accept the Death of a Grandparent

Grandma Died
Where’s Grandma….Never Forget….Help Hold The Memories 

Helping your children understand what happened to their grandparents can be a bit challenging as kids have a difficult time comprehending the idea of death or the fact that they will never see someone again. At the same time, kids are very tuned to their parent’s feelings, and they can easily tell when something is not right. It is very likely that your children understand that something has happened and will keep asking questions about it. It is important that you stay focused on addressing the issue.

Grandpa DiedGrandparents are very important people in every child’s life. They keep wishing that they can be around them again. No one wants to watch their children going through the pain of facing the loss of death. Everyone intends to help guide the child in understanding what has happened and it is important to know the best ways to accomplish that.

Grandparents can relate well with their grandchildren, and the children enjoy it without the kind of pressure that they get from parents. It is a special relationship that no child wants to lose. At times parents may feel resentment that their children are getting more attention from their grandparents than they recall receiving as kids but need to appreciate what the grandparents have to offer their children.

My Other Gramps

In today’s world children may have multiple sets of parents and grandparents and this kind of diversity can be enriching to everyone if the grandparents lead their grandchildren and accept their lifestyles. However, as families move on with life, some things are inevitable like illness and death. When death happens, as parents it is your role to let the children know what is going on with their grandparents. What parents typically fail to understand is that the truth is less scary than their children’s imaginations. They should not be left out during the grieving process. Let them express their feelings.

It is essential to prepare the kids for funerals and other related rituals in advance both mentally and emotionally. This will benefit them as talking about the lost grandparent at the funeral or paying tribute to them is very helpful. As adults you may wish to continue celebrating the memories of the deceased by maybe planting a tree. You can then tell the children to tend to it so that they can keep the memories close. Below are steps that you can follow in letting the children understand about their grandparent’s death:

  • Avoid trying to use an analogy to make the children feel better. As stated earlier, the truth is less scary than the child’s imaginations. Thus avoid beating around the bush trying to hide the truth from them as it could create more questions for them. By telling them that the grandparent is sleeping, they may start wondering when they are going to wake up.
  • Give them a role. Giving your children an active role can help the child to master strange emotional situation during the funeral service. You can let them sing a song or a poem but give the child a choice to decide if they want to participate.
  • Clarify that they are not coming back. This will eliminate the day to day questions of when is grandpa coming back or I am going to ask grandma to take me on a trip once she is back. Let the children understand that they will not be seeing the deceased grandparent again. Tell them which changes to expect without the presence of the grandparents.
  • Be intelligent and ready to answer their many questions. Don’t lose your temper or show them that you are avoiding their questions. Be bold enough to face them and explain everything in a way that they can understand. It is true adults can get tired of being asked questions by their children as they feel like the queries are irrelevant. The best thing to do is include them in the grieving process.
  • Allow the child to attend the funeral events like the viewing of the body and the memorial services. Tell them what to expect and how to respond to visitors who give their condolences and remind them to be strong. Also, explain about the burial procedure. You can use phrases like ‘there will be a burial at the cemetery where grandpa’s body will be buried underground in a casket, and people might cry since it is a time to say goodbye.’ This will keep them prepared for any unusual things they are likely to witness in the ceremony.
  • Finally, do not hide your tears from them and stop pretending that everything is alright when around them. They should be aware that death is a normal thing and that it will happen to everyone. Let them see that it is okay to mourn the loss of a loved one and that they should express their feelings freely. Talk about your feelings with them so that they can feel comfortable talking about their own feelings as well. You can use phrases like “I know that you are sad and that you miss grandpa, and I am too. We all loved him very much.”

After preparing them mentally, the other thing you need is to find wise and comforting words that help them feel that their grandparents are still with them. Make them feel that although they are invisible, their spirits are still very alive. Use simple terms to avoid making statements that might give conflicting messages to them. Also, allow them time for grief. The child may be going through frustration, sadness or anger after receiving the bad news. Depending on a child’s emotions, others may take more time to heal. Do not rush your children, instead offer your assistance in letting them express their feelings and support them no matter how long it takes. Let the child understand that it is okay to feel what they are feeling and if you feel that the child needs some extra help, you can consider seeking assistance from a therapist to help them cope with the difficult situation.

Never Forget…

Grandparents are and will always remain in our hearts. Let’s make the memories valuable and treasure them forever. Help the children to remember the person. You can tell the kids to have drawings of the grandparents and write what they miss and loved most about them, and that they can hang the picture at their favorite spot somewhere they can look at when they miss them. Remembering the happy moments will help to minimize the grief and activate more positive feelings.

How Word Clouds Are Helping The Dying

Dying in bedThe Intensive Care Unit is a place where most people spend their last moments. The families of the dying have a hard time since they get to watch their loved ones in their last moments. There have been different kinds of research conducted to find ways that the dying and their families can be made comfortable during this difficult time. There is a need to find ways that health-care providers can connect with their patients since it is believed that there is no connection between them. One discovery that has proved to be effective in providing comfort to the dying and their families and make physicians and nurses more involved in the lives of their patients is the use of word clouds.

Word clouds are being used to give those who are in need of intensive care happy memories during their last days. The word clouds are being used by Canadian doctors to make the intensive care unit more humanizing and comfort the families of those who are dying. Word clouds make health professionals forge relationships with the patients.image

Word clouds are graphic representations of patient descriptions that are generated through wordle.net and have been used in the ICU of St. Joseph’s Health-care. The word clouds have proved to be economical ways of relieving patients and their families during the difficult and stressful time. Staff members of the health-care facility have incorporated the use of word clouds in their regular lives.

Comforting The DyingThe use of word clouds in health-care has had a great impact on the provision of care to patients. The word clouds are also used by health-care professionals to care for the patients. They are considered to be a form of art and are used to tell stories about the patients to family members and health-care professionals. Word clouds are helping the dying by allowing their stories to be told instead of only focusing on their last days. The patient using word clouds is seen as a whole person, and their life story can be narrated in a creative way.

With word clouds, families can bond with the dying without focusing on the bad times or how they are spending their last days. It provides relief since they can talk about the good times and share happy memories. However, it is not only for family members but health-care professionals as well. The professionals get to interact with the patients, and they get reminded of why they got into the profession. The word clouds give the health-care providers a chance to appreciate human life and the good moments they shared with their patients. It gives them a sense of healing knowing they did something good for the patient and made their lives more enjoyable.

The ICU is considered a very stressful place to work in and the use of word clouds makes the stress more bearable. It leans towards the practice of narrative medicine. Narrative medicine is a care model that allows patient stories to be recognized and show the different parties the essence of having a common humanity.

Physicians who have used word clouds describe it as being beautiful since it brings everyone together. It makes it easier for physicians to forge meaningful connections with the dying and the families. These connections are important in the provision of care as it makes it easier for them to understand the patient’s needs and cater to them in a better way.

In forming these bonds, the health-care providers get to learn more about the patient. They learn what makes the patient reluctant to give up and why they are eager when they hear footsteps approaching. They get to know how they remain determined during the entire time and the things they consider valuable to them. Narrative medicine makes it easier to identify with the dying person as a fellow human being and not only as a patient.

Memorial Word CloudWord clouds remain even after the person has died. Family members report that the use of word clouds has made them feel closer to their loved one even after they died. Looking at the images makes it easier for them to reflect on the life of their loved one instead of focusing on how they spent their last days. The use of word clouds has shown the world that physicians care deeply about the welfare of their patients and they are genuinely concerned about what happens to them. Initially, physicians and nurses could only be seen briefly when they were giving bad news to the family. With word clouds, they can have a more active role in the life of the dying patient. Dying patients, the families, and the medical professional can be on the same side since they all share a common humanity. Word clouds have brought together a community that was initially divided.

The use of word clouds is not only useful in the provision of health-care but eulogy writing and the making of funeral arrangements.

Word clouds can be used to make the dying more comfortable. They give narratives of the patient making it easier for people to focus on happy memories. After the patient passes on, the family is left to make funeral arrangements and write the eulogy.

The use of word clouds to write narratives of the dying person can be used in writing the eulogy. A eulogy tells the life story of those who pass on and the achievements that they made during their lifetime. Word clouds can be used to give an interesting description of their life story and let people focus on happy memories instead of being sad. They will engage the loved ones of the deceased who will be eager to know more about the life and achievements made when they were alive.

The word clouds also provide an emotional attachment to the deceased since it helps them focus on the main things. Family members who looked at word clouds feel close to their loved one, and it makes it easier for them to reflect on the good memories they had. It makes it easier for them to move on instead of dwelling on how their loved one spent their last days. Health-care professionals will see the word clouds and remember the time spent with the patients.

Word clouds used in eulogy writing will convey a strong message on the life of the patient and how they were determined to keep living and leave a legacy for those they were leaving behind. Those who look at the eulogy find it easier to heal from the loss of their loved one. Family members who were in the study report that they felt a strong connection with the patient and found it easier to focus on happy memories instead of the sad ones.

Physicians and nurses will feel like they had an active role in the lives of their patients since they will have had a chance to understand them better. They will engage with the family of their patient and will appreciate the delicate nature of humanity. The professionals will be more motivated in carrying out their duties since they will have a closer connection with the patients and their families.

The use of word clouds in eulogy writing will enable family members to give details of the patient’s life in a language and manner that is easy for them and others to understand. People will look at the eulogy and see the entire life of the deceased without focusing on the negative. People will understand and have a closer connection to the family. Family members will feel closer to each other since they will share a common person. It will be easier to use word clouds to make it easier for family members and those who were considered close to the deceased to find strength in each other and look back at the good times they spent with their loved one. Word clouds highlight different parts of the life of their loved ones, and they will see how they made the days of the person more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Funeral CelebrantIn the funeral ceremony, the word clouds can be used to highlight important details concerning the life of the person. Those who attend the funeral will have a chance to live together with their loved one as they will feel like they are still together. The family will feel like they have a connection with their loved one even though s/he has already passed on. Word clouds will make it easier for them to remember the deceased and their legacy. It is a way for them to display the documented words of their loved ones as a way to reaffirm their life.

Word clouds are important as they give the dying person dignity even after they are already dead. The families can reconnect with their loved one through looking back to their words. Word clouds being used in health-care will go a long way in improving the care provided to the patients. They will feel better knowing that they can be seen as people and not just as patients. It also makes it easier for family members to accept the reality that their loved ones will eventually die and focus on happy memories they had together.

Who Are The Patriot Guard Riders ?

 

patriot-guard-riders-ridingThe Patriot Guard is an organization with its core comprising of motorcycle riders who perform funeral services for our fallen heroes. Most of the members are veterans even though that is not a requirement. You don’t even need to own a motorcycle to be a member. They are a group that is not politically divided and all they need from you is respect for our lost soldiers.

If there is a protest at a funeral, the Patriotic Guard will get between the mourners and the protesters that are raising the signs. They will hold up flags to steer away the protesters from the view of the mourners. Yes, they will gladly do this for you, although I am quite happy to say that this hasn’t occurred on the many missions that I have attended in the company of the PGR.

Funeral Procession

My most recent mission with this patriotic group was during the burial of a soldier who died at the very young age of 20 over in Afghanistan. The boy’s father was really moved by how the service was conducted. He said “If you had known him, this would have been his favorite part”. The pain was unimaginable, keeping in mind that it was a young son gone far too soon.

Patriot Guard RidersWhat does hero mean to you? Since it has many so meanings to different people? Those who like fantasy realm will associate the word hero with the brave character that conquers an attacking army and defends his people. Some will name their favorite artist or athlete. But for me, a hero is the one who ventures out into the danger zone and risks their life to protect the freedom of others.

They PGR don’t care what your political views are or who was on the right or wrong side of the issue. Their main focus is their dedication to paying the last and final respects to our fallen military heroes. My wish is that one day there will be no wars to fight because someone in the past started it. The Patriot Guard Riders does their small part of mending the fences and thanking our heroes.

Reporting from the horse’s mouth…

They are from everywhere and anywhere. What is common to all members of the PGR is their love for motorcycles and their burning desire to shield the mourning families from callous and indifferent acts. It is a diverse unification of riders from all over America that honor and respect those who risked their lives for the safety of our country.

According to Bruce Ballou of Charleston, South Carolina, the Assistant State Captain of the riders, the group honors veterans, first responders, and their families. Their goal is to provide the perfect tribute based upon respect.

There are roughly 255,000 members across this great nation, with chapters in all 50 states and Puerto Rico. 2,700 of the riders reside in South Carolina. But one must take note that this is not a typical club and there are no membership dues collected. Communication is typically via the internet and telephone, and they meet only when they are executing a mission.

How it all began…

The Patriotic Guard Riders started in August 2005, based on American Legion Riders Chapter 136 in Kansas. Their motivation was triggered by seeing fallen soldiers that didn’t have the proper tributes after religious fanatics would storm the funeral and protest. They developed a strategy to stop the activities of the Topeka, Kansas based Westboro Baptist Church that was planning to protest the funeral of Sgt. John Doles in Chelsea, Okla. The Westboro Baptist Church has around 100 members that attend funerals as anti-gay advocates, and they claim that 9/11 was a punishment to America because it condones homosexuality. A documentary film maker, Ellen Frick of Seattle, the Director of Patriotic Guard Rider, witnessed the incident as they held up placards and were yelling “Thank God for dead soldiers”. The same church was also the topic of discussion in Louis Theroux’s 2007 BBC documentary, ‘The Most Hated Family in America’. The riders intervened using legal and nonviolent behavior to limit the planned intrusion by the church members at John’s service. Right then and there, they made a mission statement and became the Patriot Guard Riders in October of 2005.

 

Are you interested in what the group does and want to participate in making sure that there is always an honorable and peaceful tribute for our fallen soldiers? Our customer service rep at Cremation Solutions (Brent Bathon) joined today…..Lets Ride

Register for free at: https://www.patriotguard.org/content.php

Funeral Director Fear and the Big Catch 22

I recently read an excellent article by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD. Alan is a personal hero of mine, a respected author, educator, and a consultant to the funeral industry. He advocates for the value of meaningful funeral experiences in his death education workshops held across North America each year. The article (Click Here)  is excerpted from his workbook for funeral home staffs entitled “Educating the Families You Serve about the WHY of the Funeral.” The article instructs funeral directors to stop being order takers that just do what people tell them they want and instead educate their customers about the value of having meaningful funeral experiences. Sounds simple right? It’s Not!

Funeral Director at LargeAlan explains how the funeral directors true role is to educate families about all of their options so they can make informed choices. I can’t agree more with Alan, especially with today’s funeral-avoiding culture! Many funeral directors are facing off with families that have basically made up their minds and have their heels dug in regarding those savage funeral directors attempts to up-sell them! As an experienced funeral director that’s involved in my industry, I can tell you that one of the biggest fears of my colleagues is them being accused of taking advantage of people’s grief and pressuring them into unnecessary goods and services. In reality funeral directors worst sales people ever! Sure, there are a few bad apples that do just that, but far and wide most funeral directors are terrified of being categorized as one of those vultures preying on the bereaved. The media has taken the stories of the “Bad Apples” and damaged the credibility for good directors that truly care about the real value of funerals.

No Funeral Please!
Uneducated Consumer

It’s almost impossible for funeral directors to explain all of the options to these jaded consumers that have their “no one’s gonna take me to the cleaners” shields up and on HIGH ALERT! It would take an aggressive and razor sharp funeral arranger to convey the many options and the importance of a meaningful funeral ceremony without setting off alarms, flares and arming a battery of Photon Torpedoes. Considering that most funeral directors are timid cowardly types that will avoid confrontation at all costs, we now have full shields up on both sides and get forced back into the order taker role because of the stereotype!

Mr. Funeral Director "Tear Down This Wall"
Mr. Funeral Director “Tear Down This Wall”

This is the “Big Catch 22”. How can we honestly convey the importance of meaningful funeral ceremonies when the media and bad apples have spoiled the waters? No wonder funeral professionals are stressed out of their minds and typically take the low road!

I wish I had an easy remedy for this very real and very widespread catch 22 type problem, but I don’t! I have tried with little success to communicate and explain the options only to make the family even more guarded. However I know there are some exceptional smooth talking funeral professionals out there that have an arsenal of tools that help them explain the many options without inflicting full frontal confrontations!

Funeral Answers
Solutions Please

So please share some methods that are helping you lower the shields of the families you serve and I in turn will gather your tricks of the trade and turn them into an awesome solution via a part two blog post. We are all in this together so let’s help each other and Save The American Funeral! Please no sales tactics, just share the honest communication skills that have been working for you. Please remember that when we are able to successfully communicate the why’s of a funeral and fully educate the consumer…the sales will increase because of the value that will be perceived.

The Beauty of Cremation

Walking The Line

There are so many reasons that more and more people are now choosing cremation. Here are some of the main reasons that half of all deaths now elect cremation as the final disposition.

  • More Economical
  • A Greener Earth Friendly Option
  • Less Time Sensitive (Freedom of Time)
  • Easier, No Cemetery Required
  • Endless Memorialization Options
  • Don’t Want To Take Up Space (Land)
  • Like The Idea Of Scattering Ashes
  • Religious Freedom
    Cremation Growth Rate

Funeral CostCOST: When you get down to the basic cost of a funeral, cremation can be significantly cheaper. The average traditional funeral these days can cost $8,000.00 to $15,000.00 or more. And a basic cremation is $1,000.00 to $2,000.00. Why such a broad range in price? Simple, it depends on who you call! And of course the choices that you make. Over the years, I have noticed something about how the general public describes the cost of a funeral that I would like to clear up right now. I noticed that when people quote the cost of a traditional funeral they tend to group all of the related costs together! For example “Mom’s Funeral Cost $18,00.00”… but the actual funeral costs might have been $8,000.00 and included the cost of a cemetery plot, digging the grave, flying in certain relatives, putting aunt Millie up at the Hilton and a $6,000.00 reception at a catering hall. But when quoting the cost of cremation people tend to just quote the basic cost “Instead of having a funeral Dad was cremated and it only cost $995.00”. They don’t mention the $10,000.00 memorial catering cost at the country club, the band and the travel costs! So this is one reason the difference in Cremation versus a Traditional Funeral seems like a huge difference in cost. In actuality Cremation is just a disposition like burial is a disposition and all the related costs depends on the CHOICES THAT WE MAKE. “The cremation cost $995.00”. The burial including the purchase of the plot and digging the grave might only cost $2,000.00 but people never just quote this cost, they lump it all together with the choices that they make. These are the conversations that really annoy funeral directors and instantly put them on the defense of the funeral costs.

What really annoys this particular funeral director is the general consensus that cremation means there isn’t a funeral. “There’s no funeral…he’s being cremated”! The truth is just the opposite. With cremation you can have any kind of funeral you want, even a traditional funeral! The only real difference is that instead of the body going to the cemetery, it goes to the crematory. Remember that cremation like burial is just the final disposition. The word “Funeral” simply means that the body is present at the funeral service. If you have a service without the body present because it was already buried or cremated then we use the term “Memorial Service” or other phrases like a Celebration of Life or a Going Home Ceremony. But if the body is not there it’s not a funeral.

Green AshesGREEN: The general public perceives cremation as a greener alternative to burial. A traditional burial takes up land permanently. And the chemicals that are used for embalming are cancerous and could leak into the water table. Here in the US an outer concrete burial vault is used and requires the manufacture of 1.6 tons of concrete and steel, leaving a large carbon footprint through the process of manufacturing. The caskets are often made of steel and many are shipped here from China (not green). Wooden caskets that are made from unsustainable sources like mahogany destroy the rain forest. BUT cremation isn’t exactly green either! Cremation involves burning fossil fuels (not green) and can release mercury from dental fillings into the air. What’s really green is called “Green Burial” and is only permitted in a natural burial site. More and more of these types of cemeteries are becoming available. Green burial is a burial in a naturally biodegradable casket or shroud with no embalming and no burial vault in a shallow grave. Green burial is the most natural and greenest disposition of all.

TIME: Because we usually want to get people buried in the ground before they rapidly begin to decompose, a burial requires a time frame of urgency that demands some fast leg work and usually having the funeral with in a week! And if you are Jewish then you’re supposed to have the burial by sundown of the day after death! With cremation you have nothing but time. Of course if you’re going to have public visitation with the body present you are back on a time line. But once the cremation is complete the ashes have no “shelf life” and you can plan a memorial celebration of life at your convenience. (WARNING) There is still such thing as waiting too long. Sometimes to meet the schedules of so many, the services are put off for months. For example, when someone dies in the Fall and the family elects to wait until the Spring and make the services part of the family reunion at the club. TOOOO Long! Remember that funerals are to support the living in their grief and loss. A proper memorial services lays the foundation for the healing to begin, just like a wedding provides a platform of support to the joining of a couple for life. With too much time in-between, the months leading up to the service can create more unnecessary grief for the survivors due to a lack of support.

Easier: Planning a funeral with the disposition of cremation can definitely be easier. You have the freedom of time on your side and don’t have to feel rushed about getting the person in the ground! You don’t have to select a casket, a vault, a cemetery plot, and other related items. You have the time to involve family members in the planning process and hopefully can create a memorable experience that will showcase a life well lived. Hire a certified celebrant and put some thought and time into this once in a lifetime event. You have one chance to do it right, so take your time and plan a Celebration of Life that people can connect with and relate to. This is why I promote Celebrant funerals and not some old 2,000 year old ceremony that an uninformed clergy member throws together! (Insert Name Here). Use the time to write down stories to share, collect pictures for display or better yet turn the pictures into a memorial video. Play the perfect music and serve the food that the deceased would be proud of! There are so many services available through your local funeral home that can add to the memorial ceremony experience, so use the time to learn about them. And do some research via the Internet on how to create a special and memorable memorial event.

Memorial Options: There are so many options available when you choose cremation. Like a Traditional Burial you can still have visitation with the body present for the final goodbyes and support for the family. You can also have an event in just about any public location that you desire. Consider a place that can handle the anticipated number of people who will attend. Choose a place where people are comfortable enough to join in and share a ceremony that will shine a spotlight on the life lived and the many ways that this person has affected the lives and the fabric of life. Use pictures, objects, belongings and stories to help those attending connect. The spirit of the deceased will often convey what would be appropriate for their personal celebration.

Cremation CasketThe money saved by choosing cremation can be used to purchase goods and services that will further personalize the experience of joining together to commemorate a life well lived. First, select a casket. This can be as simple as a cardboard box, a simple wooden box or an ornate cremation casket. They call these things alternative containers and by law you need one for cremation to take place.

If you are having a traditional viewing before the cremation then you should get a casket with a fabric interior that is suitable for public viewing. Most funeral homes rent caskets for this purpose and then a cardboard box is used for the actual cremation.

For the ceremony you can use things like memorial folders or prayer cards and custom programs that follow the services and can then be saved as a memory keepsake. Large photos, custom blankets and a video tribute can add to the memorial service. And a tree seedling or seeds that can be taken home and be planted in memory and will continue the circle of life.

Art Made With Ashes
Glass Art Made With Ashes

Cremation UrnIf an urn is used to hold the ashes, many put it on display at the service on a table or alter that is set with candles and flowers. When selecting an urn you should first know the final disposition of the ashes. Will they be kept at home on display, buried in the cemetery, placed in a niche, or scattered to the winds. Cremation urns are specially designed to suit all of these different destinations. Even floating biodegradable urns for scattering in lakes and oceans. One new style of urn converts into a birdhouse following the scattering of the ashes! With the new “Loved One Launcher” ashes can also be blasted 70 feet into the sky along with confetti and streamers. Talk about going out with a bang! When it comes to ashes there is no right or wrong way… just personal choices and family traditions. Often family members will use small keepsake urns to divide the ashes up between family and friends. These keepsake urns allow those who choose to scatter to retain a small amount of the ashes forever.

Ashes Jewelry
Jewelry To Hold Ashes

Cremation JeAshes inside Jewelrywelry serves a similar purpose and can be worn as a lasting tribute and close connection to the loved one. There is cremation jewelry that has an inner chamber to hold the ashes inside and also cremation jewelry that is custom made with the ashes.

Assorted Cremation Monuments

 

 

Even monuments are made that will hold the ashes inside as an alternative to burial. Some are styled like traditional monuments and many look like natural rocks and boulders that can blend right into the family garden. The advantage of cremation style monuments is that they can be moved as well as serve as a memorial focal point.

Scattering: The decision to scatter ashes is no longer unique. With more than half of all Americans and Canadians now choosing cremation.

Clem's Ash Scattering 2005.09.19 016Scattering is NOW the #1 disposition of cremated remains in the United States and Canada and continues to grow. Funeral professionals are the only ones that aren’t catching on. Most funeral professionals consider scattering a dirty and unprofitable choice of final disposition. They will help you get buried or interred. They will help you create funeral and memorial events. But when the choice is to scatter the ashes, they will help you as far as the door! Some of the more progressive funeral homes now offer special urns for families that choose to scatter the ashes, but that’s about as far as it goes.

Cremation can be an exciting and beautiful way to celebrate the deceased and bring together their friends and family for a positive and memorable experience. It provides an opportunity for the departed to bring together those that they leave behind and touched most during their life well lived. Cremation: it can be more economical; it can be greener; it allows for more time and planning; and it has infinite options only limited by the creativity of the living!

What Funeral Directors Should Worry About Part II

Funeral Director Last month, I asked thousands of Funeral Professionals what they worried about the most. I received a very low response rate, which is typical for funeral professionals as they usually don’t participate in the destiny of their own industry. I did get a general idea of what they worry about. They seem to worry about the day to day challenges of planning a funeral and disposition. To can see their responses (Click Here).  What did surprise me is that no one worries about the actual funeral ceremony itself. They worried about the scheduling and logistics, such as the officiant and the organist showing up. As far as the funeral being a personable and healing experience to those attending…no one seems to worry about this at all! It seems strange to me that people called funeral directors rarely get involved in the funeral ceremony itself. Long ago funeral directors gave that responsibility to the clergy. The general public, driven by an aging boomer generation, no longer see the value of the traditional clergy <insert name here>, and their two thousand year old funeral rituals. Go figure?

No Value FuneralsThe devaluation of the funeral experience is what funeral professionals should be worried about the most. As a funeral director, our greatest contribution should be creating a healing environment where people can come together for a memorable experience. The experience should promote those in attendance to support one another in their grief. The life of the deceased is the star and the overall theme is how that person’s life affected their world and the world of others. Since we have dropped the ball on this aspect of funerals, we have created a snowball effect of new things to worry about such as: Cremation Societies popping up in each and every town; Funeral and event planners working directly with hotels and catering halls because they can do it better themselves; and the price shoppers oh my!

 

 "The New Enemy"

“The New Enemy”

Funeral Directors have created a new enemy by not paying attention to the needs of the families they serve, and their desire to have a positive funeral experience. The new enemy of the funeral is the word “JUST”! As in just cremate me and scatter my ashes in the garden. Just bury me in a plain pine box and have a party in my memory down at the club house. Hospice did such a great job and we already said our goodbyes so we won’t need a funeral service. We joined a cremation society so no funeral home is going to get my money! Does this sound familiar? The good news is that the general public is more spiritual then ever and really do want to have a memorable event. They just don’t want a funeral like the last three that they attended. So I’m not sitting here flapping my lips about the self inflicted gloom and doom of the funeral industry. Instead I will provide a solution. The solution is to take the control of the funeral away from the Clergy! Don’t worry about offending the clergy since they aren’t helping your business. You can still use clergy as required, but we need to take control of the funeral ceremony and become funeral planners instead of merely being the director of logistics. How funerals are experienced and how they make people feel is everything. Your future depends on it so become a part of it! For me the number one solution to the public’s disenchantment of funerals is the use of Certified Funeral Celebrants. They are trained in creating meaningful and personal celebrations of life that will leave those in attendance (your future clients) saying WOW! That’s the kind of funeral I want! There is no better form of advertising than doing “Good Funerals”.

Jeff Staab
Funeral Director/Author Jeff Staab
 As a funeral director with over twenty years of experience, I can tell you that we already have enough to worry about. As I mentioned in the proceeding blog post (What Funeral Directors Worry About), we tend burn out pretty fast as far as professions go. One solution is for funeral home operators to hire high quality non-licensed personnel to manage the everyday details that the Funeral Directors are typically tasked with. That way the Funeral Directors can focus on the big picture of running the funerals and growing the overall reputation of the funeral home, by turning out high quality funerals that people will remember. Unlike Clergy, Funeral Celebrants are trained to work with funeral homes and support the funeral homes that they work with. Funeral homes that are already regularly using and advertising the use of Celebrants have seen their rate of pre-arranged funerals increase by as much as 20%. This is an unexpected bonus and a healthy direction, instead of seeing the shrinking business that so many funeral homes are now experiencing.

 

Creative Funerals

So what I am saying is hire forward thinking-creative minded Funeral Directors that focus on the funeral experience for the client and their family and friends. Disenchanted, unmotivated, and lazy order taking funeral directors with no creativity Need Not Apply! Having strong communication skills and being “A Good Listener” will help to establish a more sharing and involved consumer that will really get the creative juices flowing.

Getting Creative!
Getting Creative!

The funeral home that partners with Celebrants will be growing their brand and will be positively shared by the word of mouth within the community. By the way, word of mouth is now social media and if you aren’t online being involved in the online conversations, then attending all of those Chamber & Rotary meetings is a complete waste of your time and money. If you don’t have the time or the staff at your funeral home to maintain an online social media presence, then you can hire professionals to maintain and grow your funeral homes social network. I would recommend entrusting the team over at Disrupt Media to manage your funeral homes online social reputation and presence.

So how can we do better funerals? That is what Funeral Directors should be worried about! With that in mind, I would love to hear more ideas on how can we create a more memorable and personable funeral experience. Open the flood gates that are holding back your ideas and share!