April, 2013 | Cremation Solutions

Funeral Directors Taking Care of Everyone But Themselves

Every job has its unique challenges, and being a funeral director is no exception. When you meet a funeral director, you are hopefully met with a compassionate human being who exhibits all the appropriate decorum for the preparation of a sad event that surrounds a funeral service. There is much to be taken care of whether or not you were prepared for the passing of a loved one. All around, a funeral director is a caregiver. This professional not only takes care of the details for viewing, memorial service music, funeral bulletins, eulogies and much more but is a shoulder to lean on for the bereaved. While outwardly a funeral director may appear calm and in charge, there’s a lot going on behind the scenes that causes stress.

Unfortunately, many funeral directors don’t operate with any personal boundaries. They often receive phone calls 24/7 for assistance, including the wee hours of the morning. For example, it is not uncommon for a hospice nurse to call a funeral director in the middle of the night requesting a pickup of the body for someone who has expired. Shortly after, another phone call comes in that another family is waiting for them at the funeral home for assistance. This lack of personal boundaries can often leave you vulnerable and can lead to depression. Family activities like attending a son’s soccer game or leisure activities must cancelled to take care of business. Its easy to be torn between the needs of your family and the needs of those you serve. Directors are also prone to evolving into workaholics. Many funeral homes are small businesses and lack the staff for shift work. It goes hand in hand with a lack of personal boundaries. Business may thrive and customers may be happy, but funeral directors wind up not spending time with their own families. Substance abuse and depression is often the end result.

When you think about it, funeral directors are faced with the reality of death 24/7. This immersion in death isolates them by profession. While you may not think you’re loved ones passing affects a funeral director, the constant passing of human beings does affect emotions. It is not uncommon for funeral directors to feel internally agitated and moody. The bottom line is that death makes funeral directors different. They can easily be pulled into the whole narrative of death and lose themselves.

By profession, funeral directors develop a high emotional pain tolerance to death. It’s almost a syndrome that cannot be avoided. Funeral directors that do a good job will often immerse themselves into the families situation and even make it harder on their own emotions. The constant exposure to death and unfortunate circumstances numbs the feelings. Depersonalization and lack of empathy can occur and scare off friends and family. It’s almost as though death chips away at one’s own humanity. They lose the ability to empathize with anything less than death. If you go through a tough breakup with a significant other, funeral directors often minimize the experience with comments like “Well, at least you’re still alive.” It’s easy to see how this transformation can adversely affect one’s personal relationships.

Funeral Directors Need To Be Their Own Caregivers

Like most other caregivers, funeral directors often focus on caring for others and neglect self-care. Along with operating a 24/7 business with economic responsibilities, the demands of providing comfort for the bereaved can take its toll. Burn-out is common and known as “funeral director fatigue” or “compassion fatigue syndrome.” Before the final crash, there are many warning signs, including:

-Isolation from others
-Depression and physical complaints
-Irritability and impatience
-Detachment and cynicism
-Loss of energy and exhaustion

There are a number of steps that funeral directors can take to avoid burn-out. Embracing modern technology can help streamline the workload. Instead of being tied down to the funeral home location to secure new business and provide families with 24/7 service, funeral directors can use pages and smart phones to conduct business more efficiently. Your funeral homes website is often now the first contact with a customer. A good website will educate and guide people to the solutions they need. Some sites even allow funeral or cremation services to be arranged online. A good answering Service for Directors like (ASD) can be an absolute godsend and help you relax more. Calls are screened to address urgent issues, and users can even log onto the web to see the activity of calls. With these modern services, business can be conducted from any location. Funeral directors can also hire removal services to transport decedents and lessen the workload with software companies that have developed programs to speed up the process of obituary placement, death certificate filing and much more. Moving away from the traditional funeral home business model of 24/7 availability still allows funeral directors to provide families with a personal touch. It’s just a different way of doing business.

Taking time to enjoy life with family and engaging in hobbies is an effective way to help reduce the stress. It also takes one away from the thoughts of death and to the thoughts of living life. Outdoor activities like fishing, skiing and just enjoying a leisurely day at the park or beach are ideal. After all, life is for the living. It’s also important to schedule vacation time to spend with family or friends. Having a circle of people around is a support group in itself.

Setting time boundaries for business and personal life is essential to maintain a balanced life. Funeral directors need to allot of certain amount of time for funeral planning and a certain amount of time for pleasure. Eating a balanced diet with the proper rest will also help one face the challenges of being in the biz.

For the most part, funeral directors today operate with one of two business models. The family service model is likely the most emotional draining of all. Little boundaries are set, and funeral directors are deeply integrated with the family. While it benefits customers with a personal and intimate approach, it often overburdens the funeral director emotionally. With a corporate owned funeral homes model, the relationship between the funeral director and clients is more detached. It’s more of a corporate perspective with a salesman style. With corporate firms, and the process is more like an assembly line with employees focusing on certain areas. While it doesn’t afford as much opportunity to develop personal relationships with clients, it does afford structured hours and good boundaries. Focus is on managing the bottom line.

Being a funeral director is a real challenge. Funeral directors must act as their own caregivers and fight to maintain the balance of having a life and taking care of business. Their own lives and families are worth it, and the clients they serve are worth it. If attaining a good balance is difficult, it’s smart to seek help or consider changing careers.

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Funeral Ceremonies and The Healing Power of Music

In all societies, music is collective and communal. It is a medium that brings and binds people together. Although we often think of music as entertainment, we often overlook its power to evoke emotions. Beethoven was well-known for being able to evoke the emotions of joy, sadness, loss and return in his famed sonatas. Obviously, music has an emotional hook, and there’s a lot more going on besides sound waves and the synapses firing in the human brain. Music and mood are connected in a manner that science has not been able to explain. To date, studies have only determined that the auric field surrounding people progresses into a calm state when listening to music. It certainly suggests that music has the power to heal the body, mind and spirit. That being said, music therapy has been used to treat Alzheimer’s, brain injury, Parkinson’s disease and cancer. Anecdotal evidence suggests that music can reduce anxiety, pain and heart rate. It can also tap long lost memories and increase social interaction.

When it comes to funeral ceremonies, music plays a vital role. It is an important part of celebrating the life of a lost loved one. Music is embedded in our souls and can stir up long forgotten memories that can only be brought to the surface with music. Playing cherished songs enjoyed together, such as “My Girl” or “I Will Always Love You”, can rewind the clock for a memory of happy times shared together. Such trigger songs are healing music that instantly connects us to memories of times, places and people connected with a loved one. Healing music helps bereaved ones go through the grieving process. It touches the soul in a manner that is comforting and almost unexplainable. The sounds of music give everyone a medium that all can share and relate to at funeral ceremonies. The power of music enhances the experience of funeral ceremonies in a positive and appropriate way.

Funeral planning and funeral music go hand in hand. Simply put, all funeral ceremonies should use healing music to both pay tribute to a lost loved one and to create an atmosphere where healing can begin for survivors. Funeral planning entails using funeral music at many times during a funeral ceremony. With so many planning cremation services, we have more time to plan and select appropriate funeral music. Funeral music can be played before, during and after the ceremony. It’s really up to those planning the ceremony to decide when music should be played. Just keep in mind that the funeral music you choose will create a mood for both yourself and attendees.

Choosing Healing Music for Funeral Ceremonies

There is no one-size-fits-all when choosing funeral music. For those who prefer to stick with tradition and a solemn funeral experience, popular hymns like “Amazing Grace”, “Ave Maria” and “All Things Bright and Beautiful,” are both powerful and rousing. These types of songs allow people who are at a loss for words to express heartfelt feelings. They unveil a dimension of feeling and meaning that words cannot do. Even though these hymns are Christian, they evoke feelings regardless of race or culture.

Selecting Funeral Music — Let The Music Take You There

If you’re not particularly religious, choosing classical and popular songs may be a better fit. This type of funeral music is ideal for playing during times of intercession and moments of silence. Here’s a list of some classical songs that are both soothing and reflective:

-“My Heart Will Go On”- Celine Dion
-“Hero”- Mariah Carey
-“Tears In Heaven”- Eric Clapton
-“Always On My Mind”- Elvis Presley
-“The Rose”- Bette Midler
-“Candle In The Wind”- Elton John
-“Imagine”- John Lennon
-“What A Wonderful World”- Louis Armstrong
-“Yesterday”- The Beatles
-“Stairway To Heaven”- Led Zeppelin

Playing a loved one’s favorite songs at a funeral ceremony is also an option that helps capture the essence of a loved one while leaving a legacy. For example, if your loved one was a huge fan of the Beatles or Beach Boys, playing tunes like “Surfer Girl” and “I Want To Hold Your Hand” will make you feel like your loved one is right there with you enjoying the music. Keep in mind that it is completely appropriate today to play upbeat music at a funeral service. As a matter of fact, many people today are embracing a funeral service with a whole new paradigm. In celebrating the life of a loved one, playing vibrant music at a funeral service is a good match for a true celebration of life.

All in all, the funeral music that you choose as a tribute to your loved one is truly a personal choice. It’s entirely up to you to choose the music that you see most fit to celebrate the life of a loved one. Learn more about funeral music here.

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Today is Tomb Sweeping Day in China And Burning Iphones and I Pads is “The Latest Tradition”!

In China, the traditional belief is that a person’s soul can only rest in peace if their body is buried underground in a coffin. Those that were cremated or opted for another method would have restless souls. However, as time moves on, more and more Chinese are finding this belief to be antiquated. The younger generation in particular believes that a soul may rest in peace regardless of what happens to their body, and that it’s more important to respect the wishes of the deceased than it is to follow tradition. This has lead to an increase in the amount of people who choose to have cremation services, followed by their friends and family scattering ashes.

Like In The USA Traditions Are Changing

Tomb Sweeping Day

Every April 4^th, the Chinese participate in the Qingming Festival, also known as Tomb Sweeping Day. During this festival, the relatives of the deceased gather around their grave and celebrate the life of the departed by leaving offerings of liquor, food, and burning fake money. The Chinese government made Tomb Sweeping Day an official holiday in 2008.

Tradition encourages them to remember their ancestors by laying out food at their grave sites, and burning paper replicas of daily necessities, such as clothes, money, cars, and houses. This year a few new items have been added to that list of necessities: the iPad and the iPhone.

IpaCremation Service — Dead Ancestors Catch Up With The Death Ap!

The tradition – which dates back thousands of years – dictates that the paper goods can be used by their ancestors in the afterlife, and the offerings have evolved to fit in with modern life. As such, paper replicas of iPhones and iPads – which are hugely popular in China – have become all the rage.

British broadsheet The Telegraph reports that paper replicas of Apple’s hugely popular iOS devices are selling “like hot cakes” in China, as millions of people prepare to honor their ancestors by burning paper goods that they believe can be used in the afterlife

Culture Shift

Cremations are becoming more popular in China as the culture changes. While traditionalists still hold to their desire for a more traditional coffin and burial, others see cremation as a way to help out future generations. Cemetery overcrowding is a growing concern, especially among the more developed areas near the coast. By holding cremation services and scattering ashes, the surviving relatives save money. Another benefit of cremation is that it’s much more environmentally friendly, as ashes are nothing more than minerals purified by the heat of fire. Regular caskets are left in the ground to erode over time and can potentially pose a health hazard if not cared for properly. Cremation has none of these risks.

The Chinese government encourages cremation in the form of subsidies offered to those who opt for cremation services. As cremation is an eco-friendly option, the government wants people – traditionalists and otherwise – to seriously consider it as a viable alternative to burial. While traditional burial has the potential to hurt others in the future, cremation leaves no impact.

The Decision

People are chooseing cremation over traditional burial for many reasons. The most common reason is that it’s the request the deceased left in their will – and no one wants to risk being haunted by an angry loved one. New trends like biodegradable urns make cremation more and more to the environmentally friendly, those concerned about the future of the planet like the low impact cremation has on the environment as compared to traditional burial. A third reason is the expense. By the time all is said and done in China, a traditional burial can cost a small fortune, leaving the surviving relatives with a hefty bill that they may struggle to pay off. Cremation costs much less, and in some places – like China – governments may even subsidize the cost of the both the urn and the cremation services.

New Traditions

Scattering Ceremony

A scattering ceremony has a lot in common with a traditional burial, but a lot of differences as well. As with a traditional funeral, loved ones will gather at a central location and share their memories of the deceased. A priest may or may not be in attendance, depending on the beliefs of the family and the deceased.

A location is chosen early in the process. This place may be requested in the will of the deceased, or it may hold some significance in their life. For example, someone who spent their entire life on a farm may choose to have their ashes scattered over their wheat field. A golfer may opt to have their ashes spread at their favorite golf course. Note that in certain circumstances (like the golf course), a permit will be required to hold the scattering ceremony.

After the ceremony is conducted, the ashes are released. A few final words may be spoken, then those gathered watch as the ashes fly into the breeze. Unfortunately, for those not prepared, the process can be quite messy. That’s where a scattering urn comes in.

Scattering Urns

Traditionally, those wanting to spread the ashes of a deceased loved one were forced to carry the ashes in a plastic box or a bag not too different from a garbage bag with a twist tie. Naturally, this removed some of the beauty from what should be a beautiful process. A scattering urn isn’t designed just to hold ashes, but to help spread them as well. Scattering urns can be symbolic – an avid bird watcher could find themselves with an urn for scattering ashes that converts into a bird house. Some urns are biodegradable and can be set out to sea or buried in one of the deceased’s favorite spots.

Scattering Services

There was nothing the deceased liked more than waking up before the sun did then heading out for a long day of sailing on the ocean. In their will, they’ve requested that their ashes be spread over the rolling waves of the Pacific. Unfortunately, their loved ones don’t have access to a boat. That’s where a scattering service comes into play. A scattering service will help the loved ones fulfill the wishes of the dearly departed. If the family of the deceased doesn’t have the means to complete the scattering request, they can hire a scattering service.They can do anything from helping with the whole ceremony to hiring a small plane to spread the ashes over a forest while loved ones watch from the ground.

Tomb sweeping day remains popular in China as a way of respecting and honoring the dead. It is much like Memorial Day in the U.S.A. Cremation services followed by a scattering of ashes continues to grow both in China and the United States as it becomes an increasingly popular method of memorializing the deceased. Join The Author Jeff Staab On Google Plus