How To Plan a Funeral When There is a Pandemic Going On

COVID has canceled many things and impacted people on a grand scale. Yet, people will still die covid or not! Funeral rituals will remain one of the most important investments for many families and survivors after a death.

Funeral Planning
                                 Unique Like You!

The aspects of funeral let people join together too morn and celebrate a life that was and is a part of who we are. Together we support each other with rituals and traditions that will strengthen the fabric of our lives. Closure! What the heck is closure? And does it ever really happen. Personally, I don’t want to close anything that has to do the love I have for people in my life dead or alive! Funerals provide the platform to move onto the many stepping stones to come. Joining together to remember someone continues the bonds between us and our connections to each other.

Traditional Funerals
                             REMEMBER THIS!

The pandemic has changed the way funerals happen but should not keep them from happening. There are limitations in place in some areas based on current pandemic levels. Even as the pandemic has limited access to large social gatherings, funerals remain an important aspect of end of life. How can funerals take place? What can be done to create a holistic experience that’s safe for loved ones to attend? What does a funeral look like today?

People Are Adjusting to Hurdles

While there are some limitations and necessary changes to funeral planning, people are adjusting to it. Conducting services in the current climate typically means creating ways to get around some risks while providing opportunities to come together safely in a caring and healing environment. Consider a few ways funeral planning is changing to accommodate these needs.

Adherence to State Rules

One important change comes in following state laws and local city rules regarding congregating. Especially during the early portion of the pandemic, many states limited gatherings of 10 or more people. For families expecting 10 times that number of visitors during a funeral, limitations are evident. People are also becoming more flexible and understand that we do not gather in groups the ways of the past. Many restaurants

Mask at Funerals
         Don’t Forget to Mask For The Funeral!

now require proof of vaccination and photo ID to enter, why not the same for a funeral gathering?

The first step in the process is to know what these rules are. What limitations are present currently? On top of that some towns and cities have implemented local rules of gatherings. The funeral directors in your local funeral homes keep up to date with ordinances and can help guide and advise you on what can be done. They also have relationships with the different types of venues in your area not just funeral homes.

Creating a Safe Funeral and Gathering

The next step is to consider how to manage a funeral around those restrictions. Again, those planning a funeral can find workarounds to this. For example, keeping the service private to those who are most likely to feel the loss of the individual is one step many have taken. In addition, some are limiting guests to no more than 5 to 10 immediate family members.

In-person funerals may not be as readily available in many areas. Funeral providers are notified of any limitations, and they should serve as your first point of contact for information and guidance. Those who wish to honor a loved one with religious services can still do so. This is often done with the support and guidance of faith leaders in the community.

Virtual events are one of the ways many families have embraced. They allow for a very limited number of people to gather for the funeral but allow for a live video of the event to occur. Virtual events have become valuable even if people are able to gather for traditional funerals. With many being unable to attend due to their own health risks or because travel is complicated and limited, the use of a virtual component simply makes sense. Zoom is one such service available.

Some funeral homes are offering these services as a common component of funeral services. Funeral directors can help arrange virtual services that work for your needs in all cases. This allows people from around the world to come together to honor a lost loved one at a distance.

Social Distancing

                    Social distancing at funerals

Many states have relaxed their rules on funerals, allowing small groups to gather. Yet, doing so in a socially distanced manner is still very important to keep loved ones safe. Working with a funeral director, it may be possible to create numerous ways to create a socially distanced wake, funeral, and memorial gathering.

  • Family members may no longer greet loved ones at the door or as an entrance into the room. They may be seated in a place of honor, but the tradition of hugging those who arrive is less likely to occur.
  • Mask wearing has grown to be a standard in funeral settings. It allows for some level of protection.
  • Frequent handwashing is also recommended. In addition, many locations have set up sanitation stations to make it possible for family members to easily reduce the spread of germs.
  • Outdoor events, when possible, may also be an option. Instead of a family gathering and meal after a funeral indoors, hosting one outside may help to reduce some of the risks.
  • Skipping the in-person wake and having a graveside service is another option. These may be longer than traditional graveside services, but they may help to give loved ones a chance to come together outdoors where the risks are lower.

From live-streamed services to the use of outdoor events, funeral planning is significantly different right now. Yet, it is still possible to have a meaningful way to say goodbye in many cases.

There’s No Need to Wait

                             Time For a Funeral

Some people early on in the pandemic made the decision to postpone funeral arrangements until a later date. It is still possible to do this. However, it’s not necessary and such delays are usually not a good idea when survivors need a place to start. There are steps funeral homes can take to ensure that individuals who have died are not a risk to those in attendance. More so, waiting does not provide families with the ability to grieve in the same way.

Having a service in a timely manner is beneficial for many reasons. However, it’s also important to remember that things aren’t going to get better – COVID-19 and other health risks may continue to create some limitations for individuals for years to come. Delaying arrangements to allow for outdoor events may be acceptable, such as for end-of-life celebrations and memorial gatherings. Yet, funerals do not require postponement.

New solutions are becoming more readily available to allow public gatherings in many areas. It’s simply necessary to find new ways to communicate and reach the necessary people. Often, funeral directors have the tools and resources to help plan events like this even when there are numerous circumstances to consider. Unlike the Broadway shows that have temporarily closed, with funerals “the show” must go on.

Does Burial and Cremation Differ Now?

There has been an upward trend in cremation, but this is due to many reasons. It is still safe for people to be buried as it has always been. Even individuals who have passed due to COVID-19 can still be buried following traditional and religious ceremonies. The pandemic should not effect your decision to cremate or bury, both are still open.

However, many people have elected to use cremation as a final disposition. One reason for this is the reduced cost another is many consider cremation more simple. For those dying at a younger age, funeral planning and pre-purchasing plots for burial or space in mausoleums hasn’t been done. Family members may not want or cannot afford to make these purchases when an unexpected death occurs.

Cremation simply fits the desires of many people today as well. The desire to have their ashes scattered is also significant for many people. In fact, it is by far the number 1 final destination for ashes today. They even design cremation urns that are made to scatter the ashes. Biodegradable urns that float and then dissolve to spread the ashes over water. Scattering urns that convert into a memorial birdhouse is actually a thing! Even a hand-held ash scattering cannon dubbed “The Loved One Launcher”.

Should You Scatter Ashes?

Scattering Ashes
             Free At Last!

While many people set out to scatter a loved one’s ashes where they enjoyed spending time or perhaps in a space that is special to them for other reasons, it’s sometimes best to hold onto at least some of those ashes. Unlike a burial plot, when ashes are scattered, it may make it a bit more difficult for some people to visit and reflect on the loss of their loved one. There’s no place to “go” when it comes to needing to pay respects.

Memorial Jewelry Made From Ashes

One of the options available, then, is to use jewelry to hold some of the remaining ashes as well as jewelry made from a loved ones fingerprint.

Thumbprint Jewelry
Jewelry Made      with Fingerprint!

This is an incredible way to allow people to remain close to a loved one. It provides a simple tool to aid in the mourning process without being intrusive. Many families are using jewelry like this to provide several family members with a small amount of a loved one’s ashes. This may be given to siblings, children, or special friends and family members.

What to Do to Plan Your Loved One’s Funeral

As you face the loss of your loved one, know that you can celebrate their life and pay respects to them in meaningful ways. The pandemic may have changed how this happens for many people, but it’s also created opportunities for coming together in new ways.

At the heart of the process is working closely with area funeral directors. These professionals not only have the most up-to-date information regarding limitations on gatherings and other rules, but they also are working with other funeral directors around the country to find new ways to honor people’s wishes and needs in a time of loss.

This may include creating small in-person gatherings, even home funerals are making a comeback. It may include the use of live-streamed services. In some cases, family members may simply prefer a 100 percent virtual memorial celebration. They can work closely with family members to create outdoor events, including those in a backyard, at the gravesite, or even in a park. They may also be able to work with religious leaders to ensure all end-of-life obligations are met.

If you have lost a loved one, know that you have options for honoring their wishes and needs. For example, you can still plan a traditional burial for your loved one, or you may wish to elect the use of cremation if it supports your needs better right now. Remember, too, that these final memorials are meant to support the needs of the living. So, create a memorial that works for your needs.

If you decide to choose options such as cremation, consider the value that cremation urns for scattering ashes, traditional urns, and jewelry for ashes can complement the way you celebrate the life of your loved one.

Has Covid-19 Increased The Cremations In The USA?

Cremation Solutions

The novel coronavirus, which was detected in the metropolitan area of Wuhan in China’s central Hubei province, continues to infect people around the world, including the United States. Since its discovery in late December, COVID-19, the respiratory disease caused by coronavirus, has infected over 3 million individuals, resulting in over 215,000 fatalities all over the world. While Spain, Italy, France, and the UK have posted over 20,000 deaths each, the US has recorded over 1 million coronavirus cases, a third of the world’s total infections, and over 57,000 deaths. That has put pressure on funeral homes and crematories across the country. Funeral homes are having to adjust to delays and the sadness of low attended funerals.

In New York, the hardest-hit state by the pandemic, there have been over 17,000 COVID-19-related deaths from a total of 295,137 infections. However, New York City has been the epicenter of the disease in the state, recording over 162,000 cases and 11,708 deaths as of Tuesday, March 28. While state administrations and health officials report that the number of fatalities has reached the backside of the death curve, funeral-home and crematory workers, whose duty is to ensure the dead are laid to rest respectfully, say they have never been busier.

Misinformation About Cremation Orders by the Government

Delayed FuneralsAs America continues to grapple with the pandemic, several images and reports on social media offer misguided information about what happens after people die from coronavirus. One particular image went viral, telling people that once a person is deceased, they become the government’s property and will be incinerated without wakes or funeral services.

The report has elicited contradicting responses from state agencies, medical examiners, and funeral directors. The NY Funeral Directors Association responded to the matter, saying: “We haven’t seen or heard of such claims. Funeral Homes in the state are still operating under the state guidelines.” Additionally, the New York State Department of Health noted that funeral homes, crematories, and cemeteries, being essential businesses, were allowed to remain operational, despite other non-essential businesses remaining closed. The deceased require a proper send-off, complete with a wake, structured funeral, and burial. Nonetheless, funeral homes will be required to adhere to social distancing and only allow a limited number of attendees during these gatherings.

Funeral Homes Forced to Turn Away Grieving Families, Suggesting Cremation

Cremation BoxesWith the increasing number of deaths in the US continue to surge, the demand for funeral services has drastically spiked. Many funeral homes have exceeded their capacities, with some caskets lying in unsuitable areas such as the lobbies and corridors. For instance, the Funeral Director at Lawrence H Woodward Funeral Home in Brooklyn, Kendall Lindsay, said, “By the end of March, we had over 120 planned funeral services. As of April 5, the number had increased to 127. We are now compelled not to register any new cases because of the dwindling storage space.”

Throughout the city, staffs in mortuaries, morgues, and funeral homes continue to scramble and find space for new COVID-19-related deaths. “We currently have bodies that cannot be buried now. We will have to postpone the funeral services and hold them after at least one week or more,” said Lindsay, who was forced to turn away 20 families, leaving them with no other option but to cremate their loved ones with no wakes or proper funeral arrangements.

Although they may be dealing with many cases awaiting proper funeral arrangements, it is quite unprofessional of funeral homes to deny survivors to have a wake before the funeral and burial. It robs families of deceased persons of the much-needed condolences and support during such a difficult time. That goes against our human principles and sentimental values. Funeral services allow survivors to eulogize and share stories about the dead loved one, which is critical in ensuring that the deceased has a respectable send-off. In NY Bodies left unclaimed are usually buried by the State on Hart Island.

Hart Island

The Immense Backlog at Crematories

Following the decision by funeral homes to take any additional cases, many families have resorted to cremating the remains of their beloved. The situation has grown so dire, prompting cemetery directors to air their concerns, term it as the highest surge in demand that has never been experienced in many decades.

A significant fraction of the New York population prefers cremating the dead instead of burials. Typically, the four crematories located in the US most densely populated city could comfortably offer cremation services. Still, the coronavirus pandemic has rendered them inadequate to cater to the ever-increasing number of bodies waiting to be cremated. With such an unprecedented backlog of bodies in crematories, it is clear that outdated laws on burials and cremations to be amended. According to these statutes, cremation facilities can only be confined to cemeteries. While there are over 40 cemeteries across the five boroughs in New York, there is only a limited number of crematories.

Among the four facilities, one is located in Brooklyn, one in the Bronx, and the other two in Queens. The surge in the number of bodies has put pressure on resources in crematories. Currently, a location that used to cremate ten bodies each day now has to deal with a more significant daily workload of 15 bodies. Others have to cremate double the number of bodies they would in a single day. That has forced the state government to ease restrictions on air-quality regulations in the bid to allow crematories to extend their hours of operations. Still, many families continue to ring them at odd hours, making these locations busier than they ever been in decades.

Shortening the Wait: Covid-19 Victims Transported Upstate for Cremation

As a result of that, the pressure trickles down to hospitals where “new” dead bodies are presented in morgues in large numbers. Patients who have passed on now have to spend more time in the morgue because the “government restrictions have made it challenging for families to make quick funeral arrangements.” Furthermore, doctors and nurses are delaying signing death certificates because of the increasing backlog and newly reported cases that occur in their hundreds every day. That presents a big problem because bodies cannot be transported to crematory facilities without a complete death certificate.

The situation is so dire that caskets containing bodies of Covid-19 victims have filled funeral homes. The last resort is to transport them upstate to help families to access cremation services as quickly as possible.

Associate professor of mortuary sciences, Mr. David Penepent, who manages the funeral services administration program at the New York State University in Canton, started the “Hands with a Heart” initiative that works to transport the bodies to crematories in upstate New York and other neighboring states where there the number of bodies awaiting cremation is still manageable.

Mr. Penepent was overwhelmed when he was greeted by the astonishing number of cardboard caskets with bodies at one of the funeral homes in Queens. With help from his two students, they wheeled out the bodies, first lining them in the hallway, before gently laying the boxes in one of their two vans destined for a crematory outside New York.

Since the start of April, the Hands with a Heart program has transported decedents from overwhelmed cremation facilities and funeral homes to crematories in far-off places such as Pennsylvania and Vermont. According to Mr. Penepent, “These are not simply bodies. We are handling people with families who love them. Therefore, we do this with care, compassion, dignity, and respect.”

During the Easter weekend, the initiative had successfully moved 70 bodies, followed by 150 the following week, and last week, 300 bodies were transported. The program comes as a relief to grieving families that could have otherwise waited for days and even weeks to access cremation services. It has also eased the pressure off funeral homes and hospital morgues that have been hit the hardest by the pandemic.

Why Such a Backlog in Crematories During the Covid-19 Pandemic?

To curb the spread of the new coronavirus, the federal and state governments have laid down measures to try and control the transmission rate of the disease. Virtually every state went in lockdown with administrative officials urging people to practice social distancing. That meant that businesses were closed, reducing the income for many would-be-working Americans. Further, over 26 million have filed unemployment claims. That said, the economic crisis has forced families to turn to the economic appeal of cremation as the only option. Hopefully many will have full blown memorial services once social distancing is a memory.

Cremation Memorials Are More Important Than Ever!

With the lack of public funerals and the support that they bring to survivors. People are spending their money in more creative ways starting with visual online funerals and memorial pages where people can pay tribute from home. Keepsakes and jewelry that holds ashes inside is a way that people have been using to help bring comfort to the loss while keeping a physical part of their loved one closer, with no need to visit a cemetery.

Click Here For Our Full Selection of Crystals Made From Ashes
Crystal Gems Made From Ashes
Ashes in glass
               From Ashes Comes Art

 

 

 

How To Be More Compassionate Over The Telephone

“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” – Nelson Mandela

Feelings of CompassionA telephone call is usually the first point of contact for funeral directors, hospice workers, and other professionals involved in making final arrangements for the deceased. Bereaved friends and family members make the critical telephone calls reaching out for help in the hours following the passing of their loved one. They are seeking help, compassion, and support from those that are tasked with dealing with death – all things that can be very difficult to convey over the telephone.

If you are one of the countless professionals and volunteers that are tasked with helping others navigate the complex, emotional, and often stressful journey of end of life and death care, then these situations are all too familiar.

At best, these telephone calls can be pleasant and casual, but more often than not, they are among the most difficult conversations that you will ever be involved with. Adding to the challenge is the fact that these telephone calls tend to come at the worst possible times – during your kid’s little league game, while you’re out on a Tinder date, or after you’ve enjoyed one too many martinis.

Despite your best intentions, communicating clearly and with compassion can sometimes be difficult which ends up leaving the caller with the impression that you’re cold, uncaring, and completely unsympathetic to their situation.

It’s Not You – It’s The Telephone

Death First Call
Make Every Call The Most Important Call

If this sounds familiar, don’t get down on yourself – trying to make a real, human connection over the telephone is incredibly difficult, even for the most seasoned professionals. After all, speaking with a grief-filled stranger is challenging in person – adding the barriers that come with talking on the telephone make what’s already a tough situation even worse.

While the telephone is a wonderful technology, it has some serious shortcomings – you can’t actually see the caller, so you miss out on all of those critical visual cues that make up a huge part of human communication.

There’s also the chance that you’ll also be dealing with a language barrier between you and your caller, which makes having a clear conversation all the more difficult during these times of grief. Of course, there’s now the added issue of poor cell phone reception, garbled speaker phones, and three-way calling to make the conversation even more difficult.

After all of this, it’s no wonder that many funeral directors, hospice workers, nurses, and others who people turn to for help during the dying process sometimes come off as being ‘cold’ and lacking in compassion over the telephone – you can’t give the caller a reassuring nod, a comforting hand on their shoulder, or pass them a box of tissues. Even the warmest, and most loving human beings can seem uncaring during a telephone call.

On the upside, with a little practice and work you can actually improve how you communicate over the phone and learn the skills and techniques it takes to reveal the compassionate, supportive person you are to a stranger that is on the other end of the line.

Here’s some simple steps you can take to communicate genuine compassion over the telephone:

Pay Attention and Listen

Learn To Listen (Click Here)

Sure, it sounds obvious, but think about what you usually do while talking on the phone. Chances are good that you see your telephone time as an opportunity to multi-task – you might be in the habit of straightening up your desk while you chat, checking your social media feed, or catching up on your emails.

You might even believe that your caller doesn’t know you’re multi-tasking because they can’t see you, right?

Wrong.

Callers can sense if you are giving them your full attention – it’s a critical part of being compassionate. Really listening to someone lets them know you that really care about them, understand their challenges, and want to help.

Leave the multi-tasking for later – give the caller your full attention right now – and they’ll appreciate it.

Speak Slowly and Clearly

Have you ever noticed that people who are stressed out don’t seem to listen very well? So have many scientists, and there are now a number of studies that confirm the link between stress and actual measurable hearing loss.

Some people actually experience temporary deafness and/or tinnitus (ringing in the ears) when dealing with a stressful life event such as the passing of a loved one, making it critical to speak clearly and slowly when on the phone with a grieving caller.

Take the time to speak slowly and clearly to give your caller a chance to actually hear what you have to say. Resist the urge to raise your voice though – increasing the volume of your voice could backfire and give your caller the impression that you’re annoyed, angry, or impatient.

Ask Questions

Asking your caller specific questions lets them know that you are really paying attention, and that you care about them personally. Remember, the telephone phone is all about two-way communication, so take this opportunity to learn about your caller, understand their needs, and get to know what you can do to help them.

Don’t Overwhelm With Information

Information Overload !

Remember that “a phone call is a dialogue, not a monologue”.

Giving your caller too much information during a call can come across as cold and sales-orientated – the exact opposite of compassionate. Try to keep specific information to a minimum – you can get into all the details during a face-to-face meeting, a follow-up telephone call, or over email.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Everyone reacts to death and dying differently, and quite frankly it’s not always a sad situation for the survivors. Don’t assume that the caller is upset, and avoid imposing this expectation with statements like “you must be sad”, “this must be so difficult for your family”. These type of ‘canned’ responses are ok if the caller is clearly upset, otherwise, assuming a person is experiencing a particular emotion can come across as cold, uncaring, and even insensitive.

Wondering What To Say? Here’s Some Suggestions

Validate Uncomfortable Feelings

Giving a grieving person permission to feel sad, angry, upset, or even relieved can go a long way towards communicating compassion. Simply saying “it’s ok to cry” can break down barriers and solidify your position as a trusted person in times of grief.

Ask How You Can Help

A simple, open-ended question such as “How can I help?” is a powerful way to let someone know that you truly care about them, their feelings, and their needs, while avoiding any assumptions about the kind of support the caller wants.

Acknowledge Your Own Feelings

Don’t try to over-empathize with statements like “I know how you feel” – instead, try saying something like “I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can”.

Compassion Helps Both The Giver and Reciever

Remember, always speak slowly, listen closely, and take a caring, compassionate tone with your callers. They’re counting on you to help them navigate a major event in their lives. Focus on being compassionate on the telephone. You can have the power to help people gain the necessary trust in you, so that you can then ask the questions that you need answered. People are going out on a limb when they call on a stranger for help. Being there is important but over the telephone you need to TELL them that you are here for them and care about their needs.

How Much Does Cremation Cost

Cremation Service is Catching On
Do You Want Fries With That?

With half of the population now choosing cremation over traditional burial, it is important to know some important facts about this valuable service provided by funeral directors. A common question is how much does cremation cost? It seems like such a simple question that should have a straightforward answer. But, most people have no idea what actually is involved in cremation. If you consider all the factors that affect the price of cremation, you would understand that the answer to that question is not that cut and dry. Consumers should really think about the kind of funeral or gathering they want and if they want to spend time with the deceased either privately or publicly. Let’s consider some of the factors that will affect the cost of cremation.

Who You Gonna Call

Funeral Homes – Mortuaries – Cremation Societies – Crematories – Cremation Brokers

Don’t wait till the death has occurred to try and figure out which professionals you will hire to assist with funeral and cremation arrangements. Who you call might depend on what kind of services your families needs. Your local funeral home is always a good place to start. Many funeral homes also own their own crematory and more important they are trained to explain the many options available when it comes to cremation. Understand that when you ask a funeral director “How much for cremation” He or she will need more information to understand what and if you know what you want. They are not trying to Up-Sell you they just need to better understand the unique needs of your family and what you expectations are. Cremation is just a final disposition like burial is a final disposition. You wouldn’t expect an answer to “How much for a funeral” They might give you a price range but ultimately YOU will has to make some decisions and pick some options to determine a realistic price quote. It’s okay to negotiate! I recently was helping a friend choose a professional. They liked the people they met at the local funeral and received a price quote for a direct cremation for $2850.00 we told them about a cremation Society that was 30 miles away that would do it for $1500.00 and the local funeral matched the price!  Beware of Google search results that often have online discounters disguised as local cremation clubs or societies. These companies are usually just cremation brokers that do not own any facilities anywhere and simply connect you with real professionals that you could have dealt with directly! Many funeral homes have their own so called “Cremation Societies” Sort of an alter ego that funeral homes have online to compete on price. For direct cremation these can be the best option. I worked at Hanson Walbridge funeral home in Bennington Vermont. If someone called the funeral homes phone number they would get a price quote from the funeral home BUT if you called their Cremation Society of Vermont phone number (Same phone different button) same people same service much cheaper price!

TransportationHearse For Funerals

The cost of cremation is affected by the transportation costs. You have to consider the transporting of the body from where the person passed away to the funeral home or the crematory of choice. Is the funeral going to be held at a church or other location besides the funeral home or will you prefer a memorial type gathering following the cremation. Will the ashes need to be mailed somewhere? All of this affects the price.

Storage of the Body

A body isn’t always cremated upon arrival to the crematory. The reasons for this can vary. Some states have laws stating a certain amount of time must pass before a body can be cremated and a funeral home may charge for refrigeration (by the day). Families may delay making final decisions or need to wait for someone to arrive from out of town that wants a chance to say their final goodbyes. If the death involves a criminal investigation extra storage fees may be applied. All of this affects the price.

 

Cremation

The cost of the actual cremation stays relatively consistent.This is the actual charge from the crematory and crematories generally do not deal directly with the public. Some factors, such as an unusually large person, might increase the cost of the cremation.

Disposition of The Ashes

How the family chooses to handle the cremated remains. The family may choose to bury the remains in a burial plot. In this situation, the cost of cremation is fairly expensive because burial plots can be expensive. A headstone marker will also likely be purchased if a burial of the cremated remains is selected. Another option that the family might choose is to store the remains in a cremation urn or use special urns for scattering ashes called scattering urns. Urns can cost as little as $100 or more than $1,000. People may choose to have the ashes become part of a piece of memorial art or cremation jewelry or even shot out of a hand held cannon called “The Loved One Launcher”! All of this affects the price.

Based on the factors discussed above, it is easy to see why cremation costs can vary greatly. There is no straight answer as to how much a cremation will cost. An experienced funeral director will discuss all the options that come with cremation and help the family decide what is best for them and their loved one. “Direct Cremation” is a term used for the most very basic of cremation services that simply gets the job done and does not involve any special arrangements for viewings, funeral memorials or burials. If you ask about the cost of a basic direct cremation you should get an instant price quote! And depending on who you call prices vary wildly for $595.00 to $4,595.00 with about $1500.00 – $2500.00 being about average. It should include all of the arrangements and permits for getting legally cremated in a cardboard box and receiving the ashes in a temporary cardboard or plastic container. For any special request beyond these basics, expect to pay more. If a funeral director quotes a price for direct cremation that does not include the cost of the actual cremation by a third party crematory or transportation……RUN! Because a direct cremation quote should include everything to get the job done and to not is a deceptive practice know as price baiting or the old bait and switch!

Freedom

Cremation offers freedom to choose how to handle the service. There can be a very simple service where family and friends gather to fondly remember their loved one. Perhaps the family wants to remember the deceased in a big way and elect to have an elaborate, fancy service. When the time comes, the family has the freedom to keep the ashes in a beautiful urn or to scatter the ashes. They may decide that burying the ashes would be beneficial so that all of the loved ones have a place to visit and remember the deceased. They can choose to bury the ashes in a cemetery or a private lot. The possibilities of how to handle the cremation ashes are endless.

Time

Cremation TimeWith a traditional funeral service, time is of the essence. Because the service must take place within a matter of days, plans may be made in haste, adding to the stress of an already grieving family. But, with cremation, there is no urgency to bury the body. The family will have ample time to plan a lovely memorial service to remember their loved one. Maybe the service needs to be delayed due to out of town family members and friends. On a personal note from my 30 years of experience there is such thing as waiting too long to conduct a memorial service. The sooner the better! Funerals are for the living and serve as the best way to let friends and family support each other in their grief so they can have a healthy transition from the loss. People sometimes wait months, for example waiting until spring when inconvenienced by a winter death. Think days and weeks but don’t stretch it out for more then a month, or it defeats the whole purpose.

 

Is Embalming Needed?

NO! But if you request a public viewing almost all funeral homes will require embalming. If you want a short private family viewing in the immediate days following a death embalming should not be required but a simple clean up and sanitization type of preparation should be done to make a nice final presentation to say the goodbyes. Most people don’t want to think about the embalming process and may look to alternatives such as cremation just to avoid this.

Instead of having a formal funeral service with a viewing, the family can choose to have a simple memorial service. with photographs of their loved one.  It can be a time to share stories and celebrate their loved one’s life and how they lived. A cremation can be as simple or elaborate as the family wishes. Perhaps the deceased was a simple person who led a simple life. Therefore, the family may want to choose cremation and have a simple service to reflect their loved one’s life.

Cremation PlanningIs cremation really what you want? This question can cause a lot of stress and they may wonder if they are making the right decision. This really should have been answered before the death occurred but if you are still not sure then consider all of the options. This is when a funeral director will step in and assist in answering questions and helping a family decide if cremation is right for their deceased loved one. While death remains an uncomfortable subject for most people, loved ones can be comforted in knowing that they are making the right choices when it comes to handling their loved one’s remains. A funeral director knows that family members are at their most vulnerable when making the funeral arrangements. With this in mind, he or she will explain all of the options available so that the family can make informed decisions.

How Word Clouds Are Helping The Dying

Dying in bedThe Intensive Care Unit is a place where most people spend their last moments. The families of the dying have a hard time since they get to watch their loved ones in their last moments. There have been different kinds of research conducted to find ways that the dying and their families can be made comfortable during this difficult time. There is a need to find ways that health-care providers can connect with their patients since it is believed that there is no connection between them. One discovery that has proved to be effective in providing comfort to the dying and their families and make physicians and nurses more involved in the lives of their patients is the use of word clouds.

Word clouds are being used to give those who are in need of intensive care happy memories during their last days. The word clouds are being used by Canadian doctors to make the intensive care unit more humanizing and comfort the families of those who are dying. Word clouds make health professionals forge relationships with the patients.image

Word clouds are graphic representations of patient descriptions that are generated through wordle.net and have been used in the ICU of St. Joseph’s Health-care. The word clouds have proved to be economical ways of relieving patients and their families during the difficult and stressful time. Staff members of the health-care facility have incorporated the use of word clouds in their regular lives.

Comforting The DyingThe use of word clouds in health-care has had a great impact on the provision of care to patients. The word clouds are also used by health-care professionals to care for the patients. They are considered to be a form of art and are used to tell stories about the patients to family members and health-care professionals. Word clouds are helping the dying by allowing their stories to be told instead of only focusing on their last days. The patient using word clouds is seen as a whole person, and their life story can be narrated in a creative way.

With word clouds, families can bond with the dying without focusing on the bad times or how they are spending their last days. It provides relief since they can talk about the good times and share happy memories. However, it is not only for family members but health-care professionals as well. The professionals get to interact with the patients, and they get reminded of why they got into the profession. The word clouds give the health-care providers a chance to appreciate human life and the good moments they shared with their patients. It gives them a sense of healing knowing they did something good for the patient and made their lives more enjoyable.

The ICU is considered a very stressful place to work in and the use of word clouds makes the stress more bearable. It leans towards the practice of narrative medicine. Narrative medicine is a care model that allows patient stories to be recognized and show the different parties the essence of having a common humanity.

Physicians who have used word clouds describe it as being beautiful since it brings everyone together. It makes it easier for physicians to forge meaningful connections with the dying and the families. These connections are important in the provision of care as it makes it easier for them to understand the patient’s needs and cater to them in a better way.

In forming these bonds, the health-care providers get to learn more about the patient. They learn what makes the patient reluctant to give up and why they are eager when they hear footsteps approaching. They get to know how they remain determined during the entire time and the things they consider valuable to them. Narrative medicine makes it easier to identify with the dying person as a fellow human being and not only as a patient.

Memorial Word CloudWord clouds remain even after the person has died. Family members report that the use of word clouds has made them feel closer to their loved one even after they died. Looking at the images makes it easier for them to reflect on the life of their loved one instead of focusing on how they spent their last days. The use of word clouds has shown the world that physicians care deeply about the welfare of their patients and they are genuinely concerned about what happens to them. Initially, physicians and nurses could only be seen briefly when they were giving bad news to the family. With word clouds, they can have a more active role in the life of the dying patient. Dying patients, the families, and the medical professional can be on the same side since they all share a common humanity. Word clouds have brought together a community that was initially divided.

The use of word clouds is not only useful in the provision of health-care but eulogy writing and the making of funeral arrangements.

Word clouds can be used to make the dying more comfortable. They give narratives of the patient making it easier for people to focus on happy memories. After the patient passes on, the family is left to make funeral arrangements and write the eulogy.

The use of word clouds to write narratives of the dying person can be used in writing the eulogy. A eulogy tells the life story of those who pass on and the achievements that they made during their lifetime. Word clouds can be used to give an interesting description of their life story and let people focus on happy memories instead of being sad. They will engage the loved ones of the deceased who will be eager to know more about the life and achievements made when they were alive.

The word clouds also provide an emotional attachment to the deceased since it helps them focus on the main things. Family members who looked at word clouds feel close to their loved one, and it makes it easier for them to reflect on the good memories they had. It makes it easier for them to move on instead of dwelling on how their loved one spent their last days. Health-care professionals will see the word clouds and remember the time spent with the patients.

Word clouds used in eulogy writing will convey a strong message on the life of the patient and how they were determined to keep living and leave a legacy for those they were leaving behind. Those who look at the eulogy find it easier to heal from the loss of their loved one. Family members who were in the study report that they felt a strong connection with the patient and found it easier to focus on happy memories instead of the sad ones.

Physicians and nurses will feel like they had an active role in the lives of their patients since they will have had a chance to understand them better. They will engage with the family of their patient and will appreciate the delicate nature of humanity. The professionals will be more motivated in carrying out their duties since they will have a closer connection with the patients and their families.

The use of word clouds in eulogy writing will enable family members to give details of the patient’s life in a language and manner that is easy for them and others to understand. People will look at the eulogy and see the entire life of the deceased without focusing on the negative. People will understand and have a closer connection to the family. Family members will feel closer to each other since they will share a common person. It will be easier to use word clouds to make it easier for family members and those who were considered close to the deceased to find strength in each other and look back at the good times they spent with their loved one. Word clouds highlight different parts of the life of their loved ones, and they will see how they made the days of the person more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Funeral CelebrantIn the funeral ceremony, the word clouds can be used to highlight important details concerning the life of the person. Those who attend the funeral will have a chance to live together with their loved one as they will feel like they are still together. The family will feel like they have a connection with their loved one even though s/he has already passed on. Word clouds will make it easier for them to remember the deceased and their legacy. It is a way for them to display the documented words of their loved ones as a way to reaffirm their life.

Word clouds are important as they give the dying person dignity even after they are already dead. The families can reconnect with their loved one through looking back to their words. Word clouds being used in health-care will go a long way in improving the care provided to the patients. They will feel better knowing that they can be seen as people and not just as patients. It also makes it easier for family members to accept the reality that their loved ones will eventually die and focus on happy memories they had together.

Who Are The Patriot Guard Riders ?

 

patriot-guard-riders-ridingThe Patriot Guard is an organization with its core comprising of motorcycle riders who perform funeral services for our fallen heroes. Most of the members are veterans even though that is not a requirement. You don’t even need to own a motorcycle to be a member. They are a group that is not politically divided and all they need from you is respect for our lost soldiers.

If there is a protest at a funeral, the Patriotic Guard will get between the mourners and the protesters that are raising the signs. They will hold up flags to steer away the protesters from the view of the mourners. Yes, they will gladly do this for you, although I am quite happy to say that this hasn’t occurred on the many missions that I have attended in the company of the PGR.

Funeral Procession

My most recent mission with this patriotic group was during the burial of a soldier who died at the very young age of 20 over in Afghanistan. The boy’s father was really moved by how the service was conducted. He said “If you had known him, this would have been his favorite part”. The pain was unimaginable, keeping in mind that it was a young son gone far too soon.

Patriot Guard RidersWhat does hero mean to you? Since it has many so meanings to different people? Those who like fantasy realm will associate the word hero with the brave character that conquers an attacking army and defends his people. Some will name their favorite artist or athlete. But for me, a hero is the one who ventures out into the danger zone and risks their life to protect the freedom of others.

They PGR don’t care what your political views are or who was on the right or wrong side of the issue. Their main focus is their dedication to paying the last and final respects to our fallen military heroes. My wish is that one day there will be no wars to fight because someone in the past started it. The Patriot Guard Riders does their small part of mending the fences and thanking our heroes.

Reporting from the horse’s mouth…

They are from everywhere and anywhere. What is common to all members of the PGR is their love for motorcycles and their burning desire to shield the mourning families from callous and indifferent acts. It is a diverse unification of riders from all over America that honor and respect those who risked their lives for the safety of our country.

According to Bruce Ballou of Charleston, South Carolina, the Assistant State Captain of the riders, the group honors veterans, first responders, and their families. Their goal is to provide the perfect tribute based upon respect.

There are roughly 255,000 members across this great nation, with chapters in all 50 states and Puerto Rico. 2,700 of the riders reside in South Carolina. But one must take note that this is not a typical club and there are no membership dues collected. Communication is typically via the internet and telephone, and they meet only when they are executing a mission.

How it all began…

The Patriotic Guard Riders started in August 2005, based on American Legion Riders Chapter 136 in Kansas. Their motivation was triggered by seeing fallen soldiers that didn’t have the proper tributes after religious fanatics would storm the funeral and protest. They developed a strategy to stop the activities of the Topeka, Kansas based Westboro Baptist Church that was planning to protest the funeral of Sgt. John Doles in Chelsea, Okla. The Westboro Baptist Church has around 100 members that attend funerals as anti-gay advocates, and they claim that 9/11 was a punishment to America because it condones homosexuality. A documentary film maker, Ellen Frick of Seattle, the Director of Patriotic Guard Rider, witnessed the incident as they held up placards and were yelling “Thank God for dead soldiers”. The same church was also the topic of discussion in Louis Theroux’s 2007 BBC documentary, ‘The Most Hated Family in America’. The riders intervened using legal and nonviolent behavior to limit the planned intrusion by the church members at John’s service. Right then and there, they made a mission statement and became the Patriot Guard Riders in October of 2005.

 

Are you interested in what the group does and want to participate in making sure that there is always an honorable and peaceful tribute for our fallen soldiers? Our customer service rep at Cremation Solutions (Brent Bathon) joined today…..Lets Ride

Register for free at: https://www.patriotguard.org/content.php

Re-Introducing Jeff Staab / Owner of Cremation Solutions

Jeff Staab
Author Jeff Staab

I have been on social media for a number of years and was recently told by experts that my posts are too professional and that I should be more personable. It seems that in order to create a following of your “brand” you should open up your “personal” life so that people can get to know the real you. So allow me to reintroduce myself and share some of my life story with you. I will try to not make it sound like an obituary! (Even though that is what I am used to writing)

I grew up in the suburbs of New York in Oyster Bay Long Island and graduated OBHS class of 1982. We were all pretty spoiled to grow up on the bay and with all that the affluent burbs had to offer. Fishing, boating, clams, oysters, and just about anything money could buy was right nearby. We had big venues like the Nassau Coliseum and Madison Square Garden at our fingertips and all of the other things that Long Island and New York City had to offer. Oyster Bay had a strong music culture and so began my lifelong live music habit! While still in high school I attended too many funerals for unfortunate friends and began to take notice of the funeral business. I could see the value of funerals and knew it would be rewarding to help people though one of life’s toughest times. My mom encouraged me to look into becoming a funeral director. I was able to major in mortuary science and graduated from S.U.N.Y Farmingdale with the class of 1984.

I began my career as an apprentice for Frederick Funeral Home in Flushing New York where I was fired! (the only time in my life) for not being intimidated by my manager “Asshole”. It was a good thing because I then finished my apprenticeship and worked a few more years at the excellent James Funeral Home in Massapequa and Brooklyn New York. Working at these high volume mostly Catholic funeral homes in the “Rat Race” of NY, it soon began to take it’s toll on mellow me and I began to burn and fizzle like many young funeral directors. The pay was never worth the dedication I had and the suburbs could only lead to trouble for an adventurer like me.

So I headed up to Vermont to get out of the rat race and into nature. I had spent Summer and Winter vacations in Vermont. So I became a full time ski bum/instructor at Killington Mountain. It was the ultimate cure for a burnt funeral director. Those were some great six or seven years of skiing, odd jobs and house painting in the warmer months. But you can’t be a ski bum forever, trouble for renegade Jeff! I stayed in Vermont but went back to work as a funeral director for fifteen more years. It was much more mellow than NY and the families weren’t as high strung. I was used to working Italian Catholic funerals in Brooklyn, where people often cried, wailed, fought, and tried to get in the casket before fainting. I remember the first time I used the smelling salts to revive an old widow. The senior funeral director told me how to break the capsule, I just assumed that I would shove them into her nostrils, well to say the least “she woke up rapidly”. Vermonters had a more realistic approach to death and keep most of the drama in the closet. The hours and pay still sucked and I never felt “The Calling” that dedicated lifelong directors must have. Like many funeral directors my back became injured from lifting, my cheap ass boss wouldn’t purchase a hydraulic lift to get them in “the box” and the worn out stretchers malfunctioned. In fact every boss I ever had in the funeral biz was a cheap prick! I have a theory that the formaldehyde causes this condition! Having myself embalmed about 3,000 people I was concerned about my health. The fumes are cancerous and I never saw a preparation room with proper ventilation, too cheap to put in an adequate exhaust fan! I recently read they might make formaldehyde illegal; the old time cancer riddled funeral directors will be so upset! They just love this stuff and shun the new greener chemical alternatives.

Exit Working As A Funeral Director

Urns for ashes
My First Three Birdhouse Memorial Urns

One day while making funeral arrangements with a family, they were explaining how they were going to scatter Dad’s ashes in a wood lot behind their home where Dad enjoyed watching the birds. I was telling them about a new type of wooden urn called a scattering urn. They liked the idea of using it but wouldn’t buy an urn that would be used only once and then go to waste. The family was explaining their concern and just then my light bulb went on and I told them that after you scatter the ashes, you can screw it to a tree and drill a hole in it, creating a home for the birds that your dad loved so much. They said we will take it. I began using this sales pitch and was soon selling more scattering urns then ever. This is how I got the idea to make scattering urns that were actually made to convert into a birdhouse after the ashes are scattered. I started designing and working with local woodworkers. I got a patent for “Birdhouse Memorial Urns”. This would be my exit from a job that was taking its toll on me and my health and turn me into a supplier to the funeral industry.

Crem Sol Logo-1200x402 (jpg)

Like many new suppliers to the funeral world, I spent all my money on inventory and attended the biggest funeral trade show in the world, the NFDA, which was in Chicago that year. This would be my big break, people loved the idea and all my research pointed to the fact that these urns would sell to the public! I was so sure that funeral directors would understand and snatch them up for their showrooms! WRONG. I soon learned that there is no such thing as a hot new funeral industry product. Funeral directors are very slow to try new things and are the worst sales people on the planet. I won design awards and got lots of compliments for my line of scattering urns, but sales were at a trickle! Back to house painting full time while growing my new company, Cremation Solutions on the side. For a couple years I was into home energy performance and along with Ted Taylor started Energy Wise Homes in Manchester, Vermont.

With no budget, the memorial business was slow to grow but I really loved merchandising all of the cool funeral products and began to expand my line of products into keepsakes, urns, and jewelry. And later added monuments that hold ashes. I enjoy working with the artists and craftspeople from all over the world and offer a very expansive line of cremation memorials. I soon realized that funeral professionals had little to no interest in helping those who choose to scatter ashes. It’s just something families usually do on their own. I’ve since become a leading authority on scattering ashes and now Cremation Solutions is the #1 resource for information on scattering ashes. In fact I wrote most of what you’ll read about it on the Internet. I became involved with funeral Celebrants when I was researching the ceremonies for scattering ashes. The only people that seems to know anything about scattering ceremonies were the Celebrants in Australia. I then learned about the Celebrant Foundation and Institute in NJ and became a Certified Funeral Celebrant. Now I help promote the use of Celebrants to the funeral industry. I truly believe that Celebrant ceremonies could save the American funeral! The general public has become disenchanted with the old time traditional funerals and want MORE! Not less as you might hear. Now Cremation Solutions has grown to offer one of the world’s most expensive lines of cremation memorials and is a resource for information on funeral planning and scattering ashes.

I do miss working with the families and planning memorable funerals. It was helping the people through a hard time that made it all worthwhile. As an educator to the death care industry I’ve written for many of the industry publications and enjoy riding the wave of change that the funeral industry is now experiencing. It’s a very interesting time now in the history of funeral service. There has been more change in the last ten years than in the past hundred years! Some of the new trends stem from a basic change with peoples attitude towards death and religion. Plus technology provides access to the information via the Internet. Cremation is NOW the most popular disposition, and of course the challenged economy has driven the more affordable cremation option.

IMG_2141These days I work on my own property and never have a pager go off in the middle of the night to rescue the bodies before they assume room temperature. No more chasing down the doctors to sign death certificates. And I only embalm myself for pleasure now! Hats off to the men and women that do this day in and day out. I’ve been keeping busy and get really excited creating and designing new memorial options for those who choose cremation. And I have some new really cool things to do with cremation ashes. Cremation Solutions has grown and I have also branched out and also operate www.lifetreefarm.com and www.your-touch.com

 

For more fun I have way too many hobbies including:

  • Cooking and competitive BBQ
  • Snow skiing
  • Fishing – spearfishing and scuba diving
  • Traveling (I’ve been to every state but Hawaii)
  • Camping and discovering new cultures and art.
  • Live music and festivals
  • Most of all I enjoy time with my family and friends, adventures in the mountains and on the sea’s
  • And that’s just what I can tell ya…
Cooking On My Casketque
Cooking On My Casketque

I live in Arlington, Vermont on the Battenkill River surrounded by the beautiful green mountains with my daughters, Jena and Shaana. I have two brothers and two sisters and my dad is still kicking at 90. So here is a taste of what Jeff Staab is all about. I won’t get too personal about my life because you really wouldn’t believe it anyway!

LETS HOOK UP!

Feel free reach me at jeff@cremationsolutions.com

Keep up to date with my Blog: http://www.cremationsolutions.com/blog/

Connect with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jeff.staab

Link Up on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffstaab

Twitter: https://twitter.com/cremationist

Like Cremation Solutions FB Page https://www.facebook.com/CremationSolutions

Like Life Tree Farm FB Page https://www.facebook.com/Life-Tree-Farm-187239924646320

Funeral Director Fear and the Big Catch 22

I recently read an excellent article by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD. Alan is a personal hero of mine, a respected author, educator, and a consultant to the funeral industry. He advocates for the value of meaningful funeral experiences in his death education workshops held across North America each year. The article (Click Here)  is excerpted from his workbook for funeral home staffs entitled “Educating the Families You Serve about the WHY of the Funeral.” The article instructs funeral directors to stop being order takers that just do what people tell them they want and instead educate their customers about the value of having meaningful funeral experiences. Sounds simple right? It’s Not!

Funeral Director at LargeAlan explains how the funeral directors true role is to educate families about all of their options so they can make informed choices. I can’t agree more with Alan, especially with today’s funeral-avoiding culture! Many funeral directors are facing off with families that have basically made up their minds and have their heels dug in regarding those savage funeral directors attempts to up-sell them! As an experienced funeral director that’s involved in my industry, I can tell you that one of the biggest fears of my colleagues is them being accused of taking advantage of people’s grief and pressuring them into unnecessary goods and services. In reality funeral directors worst sales people ever! Sure, there are a few bad apples that do just that, but far and wide most funeral directors are terrified of being categorized as one of those vultures preying on the bereaved. The media has taken the stories of the “Bad Apples” and damaged the credibility for good directors that truly care about the real value of funerals.

No Funeral Please!
Uneducated Consumer

It’s almost impossible for funeral directors to explain all of the options to these jaded consumers that have their “no one’s gonna take me to the cleaners” shields up and on HIGH ALERT! It would take an aggressive and razor sharp funeral arranger to convey the many options and the importance of a meaningful funeral ceremony without setting off alarms, flares and arming a battery of Photon Torpedoes. Considering that most funeral directors are timid cowardly types that will avoid confrontation at all costs, we now have full shields up on both sides and get forced back into the order taker role because of the stereotype!

Mr. Funeral Director "Tear Down This Wall"
Mr. Funeral Director “Tear Down This Wall”

This is the “Big Catch 22”. How can we honestly convey the importance of meaningful funeral ceremonies when the media and bad apples have spoiled the waters? No wonder funeral professionals are stressed out of their minds and typically take the low road!

I wish I had an easy remedy for this very real and very widespread catch 22 type problem, but I don’t! I have tried with little success to communicate and explain the options only to make the family even more guarded. However I know there are some exceptional smooth talking funeral professionals out there that have an arsenal of tools that help them explain the many options without inflicting full frontal confrontations!

Funeral Answers
Solutions Please

So please share some methods that are helping you lower the shields of the families you serve and I in turn will gather your tricks of the trade and turn them into an awesome solution via a part two blog post. We are all in this together so let’s help each other and Save The American Funeral! Please no sales tactics, just share the honest communication skills that have been working for you. Please remember that when we are able to successfully communicate the why’s of a funeral and fully educate the consumer…the sales will increase because of the value that will be perceived.

What Funeral Directors Should Worry About Part II

Funeral Director Last month, I asked thousands of Funeral Professionals what they worried about the most. I received a very low response rate, which is typical for funeral professionals as they usually don’t participate in the destiny of their own industry. I did get a general idea of what they worry about. They seem to worry about the day to day challenges of planning a funeral and disposition. To can see their responses (Click Here).  What did surprise me is that no one worries about the actual funeral ceremony itself. They worried about the scheduling and logistics, such as the officiant and the organist showing up. As far as the funeral being a personable and healing experience to those attending…no one seems to worry about this at all! It seems strange to me that people called funeral directors rarely get involved in the funeral ceremony itself. Long ago funeral directors gave that responsibility to the clergy. The general public, driven by an aging boomer generation, no longer see the value of the traditional clergy <insert name here>, and their two thousand year old funeral rituals. Go figure?

No Value FuneralsThe devaluation of the funeral experience is what funeral professionals should be worried about the most. As a funeral director, our greatest contribution should be creating a healing environment where people can come together for a memorable experience. The experience should promote those in attendance to support one another in their grief. The life of the deceased is the star and the overall theme is how that person’s life affected their world and the world of others. Since we have dropped the ball on this aspect of funerals, we have created a snowball effect of new things to worry about such as: Cremation Societies popping up in each and every town; Funeral and event planners working directly with hotels and catering halls because they can do it better themselves; and the price shoppers oh my!

 

 "The New Enemy"

“The New Enemy”

Funeral Directors have created a new enemy by not paying attention to the needs of the families they serve, and their desire to have a positive funeral experience. The new enemy of the funeral is the word “JUST”! As in just cremate me and scatter my ashes in the garden. Just bury me in a plain pine box and have a party in my memory down at the club house. Hospice did such a great job and we already said our goodbyes so we won’t need a funeral service. We joined a cremation society so no funeral home is going to get my money! Does this sound familiar? The good news is that the general public is more spiritual then ever and really do want to have a memorable event. They just don’t want a funeral like the last three that they attended. So I’m not sitting here flapping my lips about the self inflicted gloom and doom of the funeral industry. Instead I will provide a solution. The solution is to take the control of the funeral away from the Clergy! Don’t worry about offending the clergy since they aren’t helping your business. You can still use clergy as required, but we need to take control of the funeral ceremony and become funeral planners instead of merely being the director of logistics. How funerals are experienced and how they make people feel is everything. Your future depends on it so become a part of it! For me the number one solution to the public’s disenchantment of funerals is the use of Certified Funeral Celebrants. They are trained in creating meaningful and personal celebrations of life that will leave those in attendance (your future clients) saying WOW! That’s the kind of funeral I want! There is no better form of advertising than doing “Good Funerals”.

Jeff Staab
Funeral Director/Author Jeff Staab
 As a funeral director with over twenty years of experience, I can tell you that we already have enough to worry about. As I mentioned in the proceeding blog post (What Funeral Directors Worry About), we tend burn out pretty fast as far as professions go. One solution is for funeral home operators to hire high quality non-licensed personnel to manage the everyday details that the Funeral Directors are typically tasked with. That way the Funeral Directors can focus on the big picture of running the funerals and growing the overall reputation of the funeral home, by turning out high quality funerals that people will remember. Unlike Clergy, Funeral Celebrants are trained to work with funeral homes and support the funeral homes that they work with. Funeral homes that are already regularly using and advertising the use of Celebrants have seen their rate of pre-arranged funerals increase by as much as 20%. This is an unexpected bonus and a healthy direction, instead of seeing the shrinking business that so many funeral homes are now experiencing.

 

Creative Funerals

So what I am saying is hire forward thinking-creative minded Funeral Directors that focus on the funeral experience for the client and their family and friends. Disenchanted, unmotivated, and lazy order taking funeral directors with no creativity Need Not Apply! Having strong communication skills and being “A Good Listener” will help to establish a more sharing and involved consumer that will really get the creative juices flowing.

Getting Creative!
Getting Creative!

The funeral home that partners with Celebrants will be growing their brand and will be positively shared by the word of mouth within the community. By the way, word of mouth is now social media and if you aren’t online being involved in the online conversations, then attending all of those Chamber & Rotary meetings is a complete waste of your time and money. If you don’t have the time or the staff at your funeral home to maintain an online social media presence, then you can hire professionals to maintain and grow your funeral homes social network. I would recommend entrusting the team over at Disrupt Media to manage your funeral homes online social reputation and presence.

So how can we do better funerals? That is what Funeral Directors should be worried about! With that in mind, I would love to hear more ideas on how can we create a more memorable and personable funeral experience. Open the flood gates that are holding back your ideas and share!

What Funeral Directors Worry About

In the funeral business, everything is in the details. Unlike a wedding which people often plan for months and sometimes for years, a funeral arrives suddenly and will require some hurried and frantic planning and scheduling. Pre-planning funerals helps but since we can’t always predict or schedule death, many of the details for a funeral or memorial service are quickly arranged by the surviving family members under the guidance of a funeral director. Getting all of the details right rest on the shoulders, mind, experience, and reputation of the funeral director. This is why funeral directors WORRY A LOT!

Funeral Guy
I Hope My Dick Doesn’t Fall Off

For many funeral directors the worry becomes far too much for them to handle. Many funeral directors won’t last more than five years before burning out and seek another profession. It’s not only the worry but also the personal dedication and commitment to a business that is 24 -7-365. It is disruptive to your family and social life. Funeral directors have to arrange and schedule everything in a matter of hours for a major life event! For me personally the 20 years was a bit too long. By then I was drinking like a fish. The chest pains stopped the day after I quit!

I recently asked a group of funeral directors what they worry about the most and here are their responses:

-“Flowers, grave digger, vault company, printers, obituaries, cosmetics, weather, music, ministers, permits, paperwork, families, friends, and just about everything.”

 

-“I would definitely think one of the biggest things we worry about is getting everything perfect and every little detail. Also making sure that the family’s last image of their loved one is one that won’t haunt them.”

 

-“I always worry about what I can do the nights that I’m on call. It seems that we limited ourselves sometimes socially. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to miss holidays and parties and nights where my friends go out because I’m on call. Granted, that is a selfish thing to worry about. But I don’t think the general public knows about that side of being a funeral director.”

 

-“I worry about my kids dying. I worry about me dying. I worry about when my kids die and the funeral home doesn’t take care of them with dignity. I guess that’s not really relevant for your public info, just sharing.”

-“Will I find a job after my apprenticeship?”

-“What’s to be left in a casket?”

-Aspirator line rupture!

-“Getting paid, scheduling overlap! Will the officiant show up, disease, purge, leakage, restorative art, family feuds, musicians, newspaper deadlines for obits, paperwork delays, permits, pall bearers, and paying my bills.”

-“Cancer causing embalming fumes, needle pricks, tissue gas, and my bad back!”

-“I mostly worry about the family and their complete satisfaction of my service. The reputation of our funeral home and how my life depends on it. Shrinking profits due to the growing trend of direct cremation.”

-“Picking up the wrong body, cremating the wrong body, making a wrong turn leading a funeral procession, catching a disease, the strength of the bottom of these new cheap Chinese caskets as we carry the 300lb dude up the church steps. Hope the handles don’t tear off.”

-“I worry about the fat guy in the bathtub on the second floor and the narrow staircase. The neighbors noticed the mail was building up and then they noticed an unusual smell!”

I hope that when the general public reads this that they will appreciate the dedication and respect that funeral directors across the world provide to the deceased and their family members. It’s not an easy life and demands a personal commitment that many professionals could not begin to comprehend. They help people through one of life’s biggest challenges. Their customers are distraught and demanding. Even people that are normally relaxed and easy going can become sensitized as they grieve. In a business where everything is in the details, absolute perfection can be an extreme challenge. Thank God the funeral directors are experts in getting all of the details just right!