The Hottest Dr. Oz Weight-Loss Technique to Date: The Crème Diet (Parody)

End Those Cravings For Good!

Inspiration for the Crème Diet
Many of the weight-loss plans Dr. Oz has created have required intense concentration, will power and organization. With rules governing what people could and could not eat as well as when they were allowed to have meals, most dieters ended up incredibly confused and frustrated. They eventually found themselves weeping into a bag of potato chips and wondering where everything went wrong in their lives.

Dr. Oz heard about these massive failures and decided to concoct the ultimate fat-burning method. The challenge he gave himself was to get his viewers to lose 100% of their body fat without ever having to watch what they eat or submit to painfully rigorous athletic activities like petting a dog or peeling an orange.

Likewise, since he had only released two impeccable diet plans that morning and it was nearing noon, he was just about due to release another best diet in the history of all diets.

Getting the Word Out

Cremation Service is Catching On

So Easy, Hot and Sexy

After spending a full fifteen minutes in his laboratory, which consists of a solid gold elliptical machine and a Mr. Potato Head doll, he emerged shouting, “I’ve figured it out! I now know the way we can burn fat faster than ever before!” Dr. Oz grabbed the closest intern and dragged the lucky individual by the hair to the closest cremation service facility while the rest of Dr. Oz’s staff waiting in anticipation for their return.

When Dr. Oz and the intern came back to the facility, the staff of 43 unpaid interns was speechless. However, this time it was not because of Dr. Oz’s 462nd weight loss technique of removing the tongue; the interns were not even signing amongst each other. In his hands, Dr. Oz held the intern who had previously been close to 150 pounds but was now situated comfortably in a beautifully hand crafted cremation urn. A handful of interns began to weep quietly and Dr. Oz saw one sign the word “escape” to another intern with a sadly inquisitive yet promising expression glazed across her eyes.

The New You. Completely Fat Free!

Dr. Oz took his own interpretation of the meaning of this witnessed exchange and proclaimed, “Yes, intern, that is correct! You can finally escape the cumbersome diets of watching what you eat! The Cremation Diet was born! Interns signed that the word cremation was harsh and thought about a softer alternative. Quick, someone get the camera we need to share this news with the world immediately!”

Before the camera was even brought to his location, Dr. Oz was well into a discussion with himself about the incredible new fat-burning technique while tongueless interns swirled around him applying a heavy coat of makeup. With the cameras rolling and an estimated 125 million people watching live from the comfort of their ice cream stained couches, Dr. Oz described the numerous advantages of what he had by then deemed the crème diet.

Diet is Really Catching On Fire!

How the Crème Diet Can Help You
The disadvantages of the crème diet —if any exist at all— are far overshadowed by the incredible amount of weight you are guaranteed to lose. You will be able to fit into the most beautiful designer cremation urns, which will leave friends and family speechless with jealousy. All those too-tight clothes from years past can join in your new weight-burning adventure, and even jewelry that you haven’t been able to wear since your high school days will fit better than ever before. After losing around 95% of your body weight, even a dehydrated Calista Flockhart will be jealous of how little you weigh.

The New Cremation Urn You

Your New Sleek Look

As if that wasn’t enough, research has also shown that those who have gone through the crème diet also face far less stress in their day-to-day lives and have also been found to scatter themselves and travel the world with their families more often than those who haven’t undertaken the life-changing cremation technique. Just imagine yourself in a new, gorgeously ornate cremation urn and leaving your presence on sandy beaches and all your favorite cities across the globe. Finally with the use of cremation jewelry your family and friends can have you with them wherever they go.

All this and more can be yours with Dr. Oz’s new, proven weight loss method. Now all you have to do is pick which designer cremation urn you want to be shown off in then sit back and enjoy your new 4 -6 pound lifestyle.
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