Suicide is Fatal

 L'Wren Scott
L’Wren Scott

Last week, fashion designer and stylist, L’Wren Scott took her own life at her Chelsea apartment in New York City. She hung herself. Ms. Scott’s death made newspapers and website headlines around the globe because she was the long-time girlfriend of veteran rocker, Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. However, Scott is just one of more than 38,000 people who die of self-inflicted injuries in the United States each year. In fact, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America, according to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta. Although such persons may have felt alone at the end, on average, a person who commits suicide has six survivors.

Why suicides are particularly difficult for survivors

 

Grief Talk
What Would You Want To Hear?

Suicide deaths are particularly difficult to handle for both survivors and funeral directors. Often the person is young. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is the third most common cause of death in Americans aged 15 to 24. Almost always the death is unexpected. Unlike deaths from illness or those who die at the end of a long and happy life, those who die from suicides are healthy one day and gone the next. Rarely do family and friends have an opportunity to say goodbye. Too often survivors are plagued with guilt, wondering if they had missed the signs and/or if there had been anything they could have done to prevent the suicide.

The truth is that 95 percent of people who take their own lives suffer from a mental illness–either diagnosed or un-diagnosed, according to grief speaks.com. Such people generally aren’t thinking about the pain and the anguish their death will cause their friends and family. At that moment, they can only see their own pain.

Suicide is also often a spur-on-the-moment decision. According to a Harvard University study, more than 70 percent of those who survived a suicide attempt said that they tried to end their life within 30 minutes of making the decision. That short window of time, obviously, doesn’t give the person a change to fully examine all of the ramifications and consequences of their action.

Why Suicide funerals are the hardest funerals to swallow

Funerals for those who have committed suicide can be some of the most difficult funerals for funeral directors to plan as well as for families and friends. For one thing, most suicides are unexpected and family and friends haven’t had time to think about what sort of arrangements the deceased may have wanted. That is especially true when a young person dies.  In addition, family may still be in shock and denial about their loved one’s death. This can hamper decisions like choosing a casket, a service and a burial site.

 

Funeral ProfessionalFuneral planning suicide: how funeral directors can help

Handling the funeral arrangements for a person who has committed suicide can be a challenge for funeral directors, but it can also be an opportunity for your funeral home to help start the healing process for family and friends.

 

Helping survivors cope

Funeral directors are in a unique position to help survivors of suicide fatalities to cope with their loved one being gone. According to the Harvard University study, there are several things that funeral directors (and others) can do to help suicide survivors cope.

  • Normalize the situation. People who have had a family or friend die from a suicide tend to feel isolated and even ostracized from the rest of society. This may come, in part, from traditional church views condemning suicide and the stigma that still remains about suicide. Treating the funeral arrangements and planning as if it were any other funeral can help the family and other survivors cope with the situation. Avoid making the arrangements seem anything but a “typical” funeral.
  • Allow them to talk. Suicide survivors may have no one else with  whom to share their feelings. Allow a little extra time for such consultations so that you have time to listen if necessary.
  • Provide information about support groups. Suicide survivors may not be comfortable talking to their friends and co-workers about the cause of death. In fact, according to the Harvard University study, nearly half of the survivors surveyed explained the death as an accident or other mishap rather than a suicide. Having information on support groups available can help such persons find others who have been through such a situation and help them to realize that they aren’t the only ones.

Planning a funeral for someone who has committed suicide can be a challenging–and a rewarding–experience. Keeping in mind that family and friends of such persons have special needs in the grieving process and doing what you can to keep the funeral planning as “normal” as possible can go a long way to helping start the healing process for those left behind.

Join The Author Jeff Staab On Google Plus

Like him on Face Book HERE

Connect on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/jeffstaab

14 thoughts on “Suicide is Fatal”

  1. I, like most funeral directors, are very aware of the many emotions created as a result of a suicide and as a caregiver it behoves us to listen very carefully to the families concerns and offer advice based on these concerns. I always started my conversation with the statement that “When a person chooses to commit suicide it is because death is more attracive than life” we as survivors are not able to breach that thought because it is so foreign to our normal thought processes but we are left to deal with results. Many family members will state “if only I had did this or that”, this is an opportunity for the director to interceed with a statement that absolves themselves of responsibily. I realize that there is not a, one size fits all, but blaming one’s self for the act is very common. The other common emotion is anger. Anger that the person would do this to them. This can be a very slippery slope, I try to listen very carefully to every word so as not to become an opponent to their thoughts but advocating that we are going to do everything possible to make a memorial that will serve their needs. Please don’t interpret my statements as the only way of approching a suicide memorial, just a few ways I picked up over 47 years of service.

  2. I am planning my suicide and have been researching what happens to unclaimed corpses. I am not a religious man nor do believe my life is special or important. I would like to have the least amount of fuss over my body once I am gone. Preferably cremation and no grave would do for me. I would just like to have my family not to spend so much as a dime on my funeral or plot. I don’t believe in God or the afterlife and have no need to be worm food. So I think the best root for me to do this right, is to keep my intentions to myself, find a dingy hotel that accepts “aliases” lol and leave absolutely no phone, id, wallet, or note. Just to be a John Doe. Life is no way to treat an animal.

  3. I feel the same way. Planning to pay for everything myself but would like to keep it from my family. I dnt want them to even know Im gone, also want cremation.

    1. Do not do it. Did you give yourself life so that you might take it? You will go when it is your time but should not be by your hand. Seek Christ.

      1. LOL what makes you think i was looking for life? i would never have dreamed of this in a million years. life wasn’t a choice for anyone. we all just happened to be here.

  4. I have dreaded this day since she came in and took my heart.my.love my son she went and backed out on a deal with the kids custody arrangements and I’m taking it to court but I don’t have them I have nothing
    I talked to family how I felt I don’t have no support if not today I hope i don’t have to face life either way without them in my life

  5. Please….. pray before you entertain suicide thoughts… God loves us each… how dare us destroy Gods creation? Also lets think about where our soul goes if we kill… pls dont risk eternity in Hell… i dont knoe you but as a human beinh i love you and know you have gifts and talents God has blessed you with. God bless and keep you. Much love:)

    1. No offense, but personally the whole God-talk has done nothing but infuriate me, as the reasons for my suicidal thoughts hugely stem from a lack of control in my life. And I could go on a whole in-depth essay about how God does not love us and wants us all to suffer for eternity just for the simple act of having a mind of our own.

      So hey, my life’s already hell, so what’s new if I end up there after death? Rather do that and make my own choice.

  6. I think about about killing myself all the time but I’m preparing for everything so my family won’t have to, down to what I want to be wearing, I want a celebration of life ceremony and hopefully I get lucky and have a heart attack to spare most of family the pain that comes With suicide but I found them great therapists and support groups if they struggle and they knew this was coming they could of helped prevented this, they
    Choose not too I also begged the doctors to help, I tried and caught as hard and as long as I could and it was to unbearable and I need peace and I want my family to smile now because I’ll finally get to because I’ll have some peace and my hopefully my mind back

  7. I want to pay for my own cremation and must do it with the next two days. can I tell the funeral director my intentions because this must happen at that time . Is he obligated by law to tell authorities and also deny me a cremation. I have only one elderly brother and must do this myself and pay for it. I am alone and need to do this myself. how can I avoid him denying me this cremation. He can get an O.K. for me to get cremated is he obligated in new York to tell.

  8. I just want to say a few things about one line in this article which I find particularly odd. “Unlike deaths from illness or those who die at the end of a long and happy life, those who die from suicides are healthy one day and gone the next.” No. People who commit suicide are not healthy. I understand what you’re trying to say but saying “they are healthy” is just wrong. They might seem healthy from the outside, no physical conditions that might indicate some sort of illness, that might be the case. But those of us who commit suicide are NOT healthy. It’s called a mental illness, nothing less. Whatever drove these people to take their own lives, don’t ever claim that they where healthy. It’s disrespectful

  9. I have faith in God but I have been thinking of suicide more often. I have depression and, among other things that have happened, I’m just tired of faking being happy for my husband and two children. If I was to leave, would anyone miss me? Probably not.

  10. I plan on doing it suicide but here the good I. Am those who never got vaccinated from covid so that will be my ticket out it will be suicide by covid. This not something I choose to do this is something that has to be done I know once I go I will be at peace out of this shitty world no pain no thing I will at peace with my decision I have a standing order with my doctor. Lawyer saying no live saving measures shall be taken My estate is to sold off and the money spilt between my nieces and nephew

Leave a Reply to Charles Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *