Although your pet’s name might be something normal or even boring, like Rover, Patches or Princess, you don’t actually call your pet by that name, do you? Admit it. When you are alone with your pet, you sometimes call him other names that border on humiliating–comically humiliating, that is. As a devoted pet parent, you dearly love your furry friend and would never, ever deliberately mean the names you call him. Cremation Solutions has decided to make a contest out of the colorfully degrading names we know you call your pets when you actually really feel true, undying love for them. There are four (4) categories to choose from: most deserving name, most humiliating name, name that best describes a certain physical appearance, and name you can’t say on television (but can say on the internet). We will be offering some really awesome prizes related to the pet products that we sell to give you the perfect initiative for entering our contest. Here’s a few things to consider… “Trendy” Names Won’t Win Any Prizes! Remember, this is an “inappropriate” nicknames contest, not a “cutest” name or “hippest” name contest. For example, if you have a female pet that you call Stella, Ellie, Lola or Mia–well, you are welcome to enter but these sort of “appropriate” names won’t win a prize in this contest. Likewise with male pet names such as “Bentley”, “Tank”, “Cooper” or “Leo”. Yes, they’re dignified but certainly not inappropriate.
Dog and Cat Name Science According to theories of pet names, nicknames that make fun of a pet’s intelligence, bad habits or physical attributes make it easier to get a pet’s attention.
Hard-sounding consonants like Ds, Ks, Ps and Fs produce broadband sounds that are energetic enough to cross sound frequencies capable of attracting an animal’s attention by activating numerous audio receptors in his brain. When you call a dog a name containing “soft” consonants (Hs, Bs or Ls, for example), he’ll just giggle, shrug his shoulders and amble away. Pet names like “Snaggletooth”, “Stinkerfart” or “Diddlysquat Kornhead” are great names to use when attempting to teach your dog some manners.
In fact, research shows that giving your pet a treat immediately after saying “Diddlysquat Kornhead” quickly teaches him to understand to pay attention when somebody says that particular name. Also, if you are worried that your pet will take offense to a degrading name like Pinhead or Shitface, don’t be. You are engaging in something all adoring pet owners have done without thinking about it. Anthropomorphizing is a long, scientific-sounding word, but its meaning is simple–you’re giving your pet human characteristics that really don’t apply to him. As much as we like thinking that our pets are more human than some people we know, they really don’t fully understand our language or experience human emotions as we experience them. However, pets do respond to the tone of our voices (soft, harsh, quiet, loud) but not to the meanings of the words we use. So if you lay awake at night feeling guilty for affectionately calling your cat “Butthead” or “Fatass”, roll over and go to sleep. You love him, he loves you and that’s all that matters!
Dog and Cat Names That Might Win Our Contest
To be more specific about what we are looking for in degrading names, here is a list of names that could possibly win our contest:
- Gassy Geezer (old dogs and farts go together like pie and ice cream)
- Loudmouth Lardass (fat cats that meow constantly because they endeavor to be annoying)
- Asskissing Anklebiter (you know, those yappy, small dogs that bite your ankles then run to the nearest old lady for protection?)
- Idiot Box (for all dogs that lack a few IQ points)
- Psycho Killer (cats that pretend to like you one minute but want to claw your eyes out the next)
- Rap Sheet Rocko (applicable to dogs and cats that commit crimes on a daily basis, such as flipping over food bowls deliberately)
- Upchuck Chuck (mainly for cats–cat owners will understand this one)
Enter Our Contest and Immortalize Your Pet’s Nickname for All Eternity Just like/follow our page and then click on the link below to enter the contest! You could find yourself the recipient of great prizes and internet fame! CONTEST DETAILS
Each contestant may enter one (1) name per category, allowing them the chance to win up to four (4) prizes total. Entries may be submitted through September 13, 2015. Winners will be announced on September 14, 2015.
CATEGORIES Most Deserving Name Most Humiliating Name Name That Best Describes a Certain Physical Appearance Name You Can’t Say On TV (But Can Say On the Internet)
HOW TO ENTER Submitting your prize-worthy nickname is easy! Simply comment on this blog post with your best nickname and the category you are submitting it to along with your preferred contact information. Is there a story or picture behind your nickname? Share it in the comments with your submission! You can also submit by email if you prefer to firstname.lastname@example.org Remember, you can submit one (1) nickname for each category.
Prizes You can win a silver pendant with your pets actual paw print on it and engraved on the back! Click Here to See What We Can Do
OR You can win a canvas print with your pets paw print and or photo.
Click Here to See What We Can Do
This is my dog Java in protest of being washed. Second time this month she messed with Mr. Skunk! This is why we call her “Big Gerbil”