At a funeral, depressed people cry and scream in pain, this does not happen until months after a wedding.
At a funeral, teary eyed mourners step up to the podium to eulogize the departed. At a wedding reception a drunken idiot stands at the podium and makes an inappropriate toast about the time he bagged the bride.
After a funeral the guest of honor leaves in a long black limousine,
while the guests of honor at a wedding leave in a puke green Honda Civic with a crumpled fender and tin cans dragging behind them. No one writes cute little sayings in soap on the rear window of the hearse either.
If the groom is not up for the wedding night there’s always Viagra! and it works for while, but with embalming the whole body is stiff and theirs no need to call your doctor after four hours.
You will only have one funeral.
When funeral services end, people go home and reflect on the life of a lost friend or relative. When weddings end, people end up in all sort of places, some vomit uncontrollably in a holding cell.
The gifts are usually better at weddings. Re- gifting for funerals is just not cool.
It’s considered tacky to do the “hokey pokey” at a funeral but at a wedding …. well, never mind.
Bands have a hard time booking gigs at funerals but no problem turning a wedding into a wake.
The music is better at funerals, and no one is jealous of the attention the guest of honor receives.
Funerals end at the graveside; weddings in the lawyer’s office.
Weddings require months of planning and cost a small fortune to pull off. Funeral Planning takes a few days and is usually more entertaining.
Funerals don’t have after parties, just after lives.
At a woman’s funeral, her friends are not forced to wear hideous dresses so they don’t upstage the corpse.
Weddings are blessed affairs in which two lovers are united forever in the eyes of God, and their families become one, sharing holidays, breaking bread, loaning money, and opening their homes to each other. A funeral finally puts an end to all that bullshit.
At a wedding single women scramble to catch the bride’s garter, signaling that they will be next. The tradition isn’t nearly as popular at funerals. Again Elvira is the exception!
If you shove a piece of cake in a corpse’s face, no one cheers.
After a funeral people fight over who gets what, but after a wedding the bride knows just what shell get! …OK, that might be a bad example.
Falling in love and getting married makes the couple feel like they were struck by lightning, a corpse just feels like it was struck by a bus.
The deceased goes straight to heaven while a marriage goes straight to hell.
People attending a funeral come to show their respect to a dearly departed loved one. People only go to weddings for the open bar.
Weddings have an adorable ring bearer. Funerals just have pallbearers, and they aren’t usually that adorable either.
An Elvis impersonator can perform a wedding at a drive through chapel. Try the same thing at a funeral and everyone acts like you are some kind of jerk.
A funeral marks the end of a person’s life. A wedding marks the end of two lives.
At a funeral, the mother-in-law stops being such a bitch.
When a funeral ends guests leave the church and move to the cemetery, after a wedding guests move to the banquet room of the Motel 6.
Nobody buys the deceased a toaster, and if you do everyone gets really pissed off.
The deceased’s make-up is usually better than the bride’s.
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