Does Your Funeral Home Have Ghouls!

Sometimes there already there in the morning when you get to work. Lurking in the parking lot looking and trolling for tidbits, hoping you will tell them about your day. Many funeral homes have them and they don’t just come out around Halloween, although many of them are partial to that wonderful darkest of holidays. Where do they come from anyway? Even more pertinent when will they leave.

Almost every funeral home I ever worked at had these neighborhood trolls. They can be real pest and hard to chase off. I had one that would make an appointments to change his pre-arrangements every month, always asking questions that would even make Caleb Wilde uncomfortable. OHHHH now you know what I’m talking about! did a name or two just jump to the front of your mind.Some look and act perfectly harmless, that is until they get under your skin and begin to infect your very soul. The more you get to know them the less you want to know.

Do you Need Any Help Trimming the Hedges?

Many have mommy issues and although I’m no shrink, I’m pretty sure there’s some pills they should be taking that might help them with their magnetic attraction towards funeral businesses. I call them “Funeral Home Ghouls”.

These folks can become a real sore spot in for funeral home PR. They usually mean no harm, but us funeral professionals aren’t used to putting people off. God forbid we offend anyone!. Even if it is the neighborhood freak. Were much better at diffusing conflicts and grief and have some pretty good organizational skills. My boss would say things to me like be nice and tell them you’re busy. What to do? They don’t have exterminators in the yellow pages with strong enough toxins to eradicate this sort of pest.

She Seemed so Nice

Some have chameleon like camouflage and blend right in with the heard.  We even had one that live in a hearse with his mommy and I’m talking winters in Vermont! One cute waitress where we often went for coffee always had to know just a little more about what went on behind our closed doors. One day she confided in me and explained how she always wanted to “do it” in a casket. I felt obligated to helping her out and responded the only way I know how. She had good taste and selected the Batesville Copper! I know many of you have your funeral home ghoul stories. Please share! (No Names Please) Ghouls have feelings too.

Some are Like Bugs!

Are you afraid you will lose their loyal business. Don’t be. And please when they start showing interest in the profession and ask about funeral school, do your job, and PLEASE steer them away and let them know how far better off they would be cleaning shoes for the bowling alley in another town. Don’t even let em cut the grass! It could only lead to more frustration in something you want no part of. Sorry I have no quick solution or should I say “Silver Bullet”. Allen Creedy hasn’t blogged this lessen yet. But I do have some advice. Don’t let it go as long as I did. Years in some cases. Nip it in the bud, it only gets worst and freakier. Leading them along and associating regularly can only tarnish the image of your funeral business. I  know I’m not alone and I have seen the ghoul situation really eat at some of my bosses.  I would love to hear how you handled your funeral home ghoul.

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2 Responses to Does Your Funeral Home Have Ghouls!

  1. Nancy Burban says:

    Great blog. I am interested in hearing the many stories!

  2. FuneralMarketer says:

    I just talked to one in a bar on Friday… she found out where I work and started with the questions. The weirdest by far was “What are the chances someone is alive when you cremate them? Really, no? Do they feel anything, even if they are dead? Because I saw a dead person twitch once.” I’m still shuddering a little.

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